Nothing is committed, nothing is exclusive. Yet. But at long last, someone I've snuck glances and coy smiles at, thinking "Damn, that's a nice looking person, seems nice, too. I really wish I knew them better . . . " feels the same way. Mind, I had to pry it out of him via messaging, but I didn't want another months to years long game of beating around the bush, wondering. While it turns out that Lab Rat the Perverted Sith Lord is randy 24/7, he wants more. I must have gotten to his place around 3 in the afternoon on Sunday.
It was close to midnight before I left.
He's almost painfully awkward, and is just as painfully aware of it, but that stage only lasts for so long. We did talk and watch movies. He's fairly reclusive, and mostly stays inside with his XBox and his movies, the latter of which we share a lot of favorites. Not to mention he also owns every season of House, M.D. and even has a cane. "I can be your Dr. House," he says. A set of Sith Robes hung on the closet door, with lightsabers and swords propped against the walls. I can't believe I was ever squicked about age. Well, yes I can, but I can safely say I'm over it, as the pros definitely outweigh the cons. Pizza rolls and kool aid? Yeah, not so much into that. But he's a total nerd, and I mean that in the BEST possible way. He outgeeks me by a long shot, but he'll never outdrink me, turns out he doesn't even like alcohol or the feeling it causes. This too is a good thing, not only is he unlikely to become a raging alcoholic, but this also means I don't have to get him lit before he'll let me touch him. Yeah, about that . . . I knew he would at least try to kiss me. What I didn't know is how far I'd let everything go and how oddly natural it felt. Granted, not everything happened, but much more than I had planned on and things happened that probably should not on a first date. All I can say is, I'm glad I'd seen those movies before, because otherwise I'd still be wondering how Bruce Wayne escaped or when Thor got his hammer back. I'm not sure whether it's sweet or creepy that he was incredibly affectionate and snuggly when we were actually paying attention to the television and not shoving, biting, and pulling each other's hair. But the wave of shame has yet to come, and two days later, I am still smiling. Do I want this to eventually become exclusive? Yes. But regardless of what happens or doesn't, I don't regret anything. It's infinitely better, in my opinion, to say "Oh well" than "But what if . . . " or "I wonder . . ."
Sometimes I'm afraid I'll wake up and realize it didn't happen.I actually do wake up and wonder if it was real. But then I walk to the bathroom, bleary-eyed, and as I flick the light on, I wince at the marks on my neck, and I smile.