Friday, September 24, 2010

Sticks and Stones

I only had 20 hours this week, all in four hour shifts. Blech. I'd rather do a few long ones than so many shorties, but I take what I'm given job-wise in this day and age, you know? I don't want to be "that" employee, you know the one. They're always going to management to 'bring up a problem', ie bitch and moan. So not much in the way of customer suckery this week, just the usual. Today I worked 9AM-1PM and it was pretty pleasant; I was on an express lane and Hurley was up on a neighboring register most of the time, and he always makes things fun. Clocked out, went home, changed, and picked up Mom & Charles for weekly shopping and lunch at Subway. Back to work after working, oh goodie. At least I'll get to socialize with people I've missed all week due to my screwy schedule, I thought.

Saw Roland first, working the meat dept. I asked him how he was and he said "Not good." Apparently another guy who works in grocery has gotten him in trouble somehow, and Roland seemed really out of sorts about it, I've never seen him like that before. I couldn't get the full story because he was working and the guy was right behind him, I'll see if I can talk to him a while tomorrow. I know how excited he was to leave dairy for meat and I'd hate to see a falling out happen there. Also, I thought the guy he was ticked off at was alright. I guess I was wrong.

Welcome back to high school, kiddos!
Moving right along . . . headed to produce not long after that to visit Pippy. Between him calling in sick last week and my messed up hours, I haven't seen him since last Friday besides on Facebook, and frankly, I'd much rather talk to someone's face than on FB. I was able to talk to him for a while under the guise of standing out of the way of other customers, and he said as soon as he clocked in today, he was in the middle of a bunch of 'bull doo doo'. (His words, not mine, LOL). Anywho, not funny. Sasha, who is really in Floral but helps in produce most of the time because her department is so small, pulled him aside and told him that someone had started a rumor regarding him and Lana, another girl who works in produce and in turn, works closely with Pippy a lot. Apparently, 'word' has it that the two of them are having an affair 'judging by the way they act around each other.' Sasha is friends with Lana and knows that this is absolutely untrue. She just told Pippy that she thought he ought to know, and would he like to know the name of the person responsible for it. Well, yeah, he kind of would, it turns out. The culprit[s]?

Nature Boy and his pothead friend from the bakery whom shall be henceforth known as Prince Douche. Both these guys worked on the remodel team, and they were trouble then, too. Nature Boy ended up being my signage partner, and I thought he was ok then. Or I was just so grateful that he didn't make inappropriate comments or flick boogers in the store like the guy before him. Prince Douche also gave the store planning leads some grief, to the point they took his radio away from him because he was always on it blathering away nonsense and asking stupid questions instead of working. And lately, more than once, I've had Pippy tell me that he's going to go downstack pallets/count product/do inventory in the bakery "because Prince Douche won't do it." Uh . . . wow. Props to him for helping out like that and in turn probably making management love him even more, but really, why is the guy from produce constantly skipping over the to bakery to do another guy's job? It wouldn't surprise me if either of these guys gets shown the door in the near future. Either STFU with the immature shens and do your job or GTFO.

Sasha told Pip that she would mention it to their manager, whom I shall call Nancy Hicks Gribble (LULZ! For real, she calls us all "Shoog" and has huge blonde hair an an accent) and Nancy could say something to the boys if the rumor shenanigans keep up. He panicked and said no no, don't do that, just let it lie, it's not worth bothering management over. "Oh . . . um, sorry. Well guess what. I already told her about it. She says just let her know if it happens again." Oh geez. What's done is done, and Sasha was probably only acting with Pippy and Lana's best interests at heart, and what's done is done. Although I think it was probably a good idea, I worked with Nancy during remodel and on the odd occasion now, and she's very fair and reasonable. Not to mention she really likes Pip as an employee.

He seemed really bothered about the whole thing though, because he kept going on about it. "I thought me and Nature Boy were alright, I thought we got along OK. And even T is in on it. (another guy in produce). Really I don't talk to Lana any differently than I would anybody else. Of course we're together alot given we WORK in here together, that's gonna happen. And she talks to me when she's bored, sure . . . but we're not having an affair." He just kept on about it, which isn't really like him, I felt so bad. He seems to already be going through lots of emotional and spiritual crap, is trying to get himself straightened out after his trafficking mess, and is really just trying so hard to stay out of trouble. And these weed snorting assholes have nothing better to do than giggle and say that he's screwing a coworker because they're together a lot and get along. It hurts him. It hurts Lana. It clearly upset Sasha and you know it's upset me. I mean, I'm not sitting here listening to Evanescence and crying blood or anything, but I'm pissed and a little sad. Oh well, Shiny. This too shall pass.

Pip said that he'd better get back to working on the 'Taters (What's taters, Precious? What's taters EH?") and added jokingly that we'd better be careful "Or it'll be us having the affair next."

Me: "Well if we are, I wanna know about it."

Pip: "Hey, me too! I didn't realize I had the first, I don't wanna miss out on another one!"

He did promise to tell me if he does find out we're having an affair together though, LOL.

He's so odd lately. This morning he posted "My daughter called me this morning just to tell me she loves me, I wonder what she wants lol". Well, she is a teenager, and they have been butting heads a lot recently. It's entirely possible that she wants something, as teens often do. But maybe, just maybe Pippy, she wanted to say she loves you.

Friday, September 17, 2010

The Funny Farm

^ That's generally how I refer to my place of work. And it's not the fact that people bring Wallabies, snakes, and skunks into the store to 'socialize' them, either. It's the other 97% of the population who cause me to give the store this moniker. Today was one of those days where I genuinely did feel like I was at the Funny Farm. Read on.

You Can't Fix Stupid. (But you can laugh at it!)

I had a woman through my line today that didn't understand how 'cash back' works. She thought it was my responsibility, so when the debit screen asked her "Do you want cash back?", she pushed no, because she wants cash back. That makes sense, right? RIGHT? No? Oh. I forgot that you're probably a rational person reading this, sorry. So then of course the receipt prints out and I'm not prompted to give her any money. We have a frustrating circular conversation for a few moments during which I explain you can only get cash back if you make a purchase, I can't just run the card and take out money like an ATM machine. "But I DID make a purchase!" Yes, and you didn't take the opportunity to tell the nice machine you wanted extra money. She demands a manager. Fine. I walk away to find one, because we're not really that busy and the CSM's were pretty plentiful for a change. I explained the situation to V, who immediately turned to Gary and begged him to "Please? PLEASE could you handle this one? I already have a tremendous headache. Did you hear her say what's going on?" "I caught the end of it", he says, with his typical and slightly disheartening poker face. He starts walking with me back to the register, and says

"I'm gonna stab this woman in the neck with a pencil."

LMAO. This guy is usually fairly serious, but every now and then he'll pull something like this and I never know what to think.

Me: "Okay! Do you want me to look away when you do it?"

G: "No. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna drag her right underneath the camera first."

He ended up having to walk this woman through every. Last. Step. Of the debit process, and she swore she was 'never coming through this line again!' Yay! Please don't. I think she was just as pissed off at him as she was with me. Later on, Gary entertained me some more when I ordered change. He brought me twenty 5 dollar bills and held the zippered bag open for me to put the $100 bill in. When I dropped it in there, he moved the bag like it was a mouth and went "OM nomnomnomnom!" OMG, it just about killed me. I was already running low on nerves and sleep.

After that, a guy came through my line and dug around in his pockets for money to pay for his soda. His pockets contained a wallet, keys, some money, and a prescription bottle. His hands were shaking and he kept dropping stuff all over the place, I'm almost positive he was high. When he handed me the money, I noticed his fingernails were really long and painted with sparkles. The lady behind him was having a horrible time keeping a straight face, although she admitted it really wasn't a laughing matter. Let's see . . . what else

That's about it, as far as crazy customers, although lunchtime was amusing. One of the cart pushers is a fellow horse owner and we were enlightening J, our front end manager on different facts about them and answering his questions. He was horrified when he learned what we meant by 'cut' the horse. I thought everyone knew male horses got gelded (neutered) most of the time, LOL. He just kept going "Oh my god . . . owwww." Funny stuff. Also, I shouldn't find this funny, but Pip has a bad headcold. Why they don't send him home without a point is beyond me, since he's working with food, but ah well. Such is life. But when he talks . . . it's freakin' hysterical to me for some reason. Don't worry though, I didn't laugh right at him. Just later when I had time to think about it. Another cashier is sick too. If I don't catch this bugger, it'll be a miracle.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Cameras Don't Lie!

Work Stuff -

At least one person has gotten fired this week. A lady who has worked in the pharmacy and been with the store for YEARS. She was already there when I worked there before, and she was still there when I came back. At least until yesterday when she was escorted out the doors for stealing merchandise. I guess LP has been suspecting her for a long time, but just needed proof. This was someone I used to get along with really well, although I have to admit she's been pretty cold with the shoulder since I came back and didn't really talk to me much unless I said something first. Shame.

Story the second comes yet again from my good little friend Mr. Pip. He told me one of the guys in sporting goods was pulled aside by management Friday night and ripped a new one. He was picking his nose and then wiping his finger off on the clothing in sporting goods. EEEAAAUUUUGGH! Who does that WTF WTF. I guess there's a good reason to wash your 'new' clothes before you wear them. I don't think he was fired yet, but I understand they really wanted to.

Really, people. The head lady in LP wasn't just shitting around when she kept doing happy dances about the hundreds of new cameras that were being installed during remodel. They really did install lots and lots of fucking new cameras, and you can't see all of them, either. But they see you, oh yes they do, my Precious.

During my time working signage, I had several partners. One of whom I shall dub Nature Boy. Not because he's particularly wise, but he sure seems to think he is, and he's definitely shy and sad of eye. He too was placed in the Produce department when given a permanent position, and Pip tells me he's nearly 100% sure the guy, along with one of the guys in bakery, go home on their lunch hour and smoke weed because they're always giggly and very hungry when they return and can't stop smiling. Anywho, Nature Boy calls in a lot. Pip says he's called in over 7 times since he started on remodel in March or April, and will often leave early or halfway through a shift and claim he's sick. No one in Produce likes working with Nature Boy, because they say it's as good as working solo, since you can't find him most of the time. Anywho, Volde-Mart only lets you have a certain number of call ins, which in turn equal 'points' before you start to get warnings. NB has gotten a verbal and a written for them. No one would need to know this, but Nature Boy is easily peeved and bitched to Pip about it, who told me. Apparently, the same night management got to deal with Mr. Pick 'n' Flick in sporting goods Nature Boy demanded a 'discussion' with two of them, during which he informed them it was completely wrong that he still has the points from his call-ins on remodel. He feels since he was moved to a different department, his old points should have been deleted when he was put in Produce. Management doesn't see things that way. Attendance is attendance, no matter what area you work in. Nature Boy called in 'sick' the following morning. I don't imagine that went over very well, but I haven't found out what's happened to Nature Boy because my little birdie and source of info, AKA Pippy, is off until Thursday.

And I think that's all in the department of workplace drama. Until my next shift, anyways.

From Shiny's Own Mind

A good friend of mine from bygone times (we still keep in touch every now and then) always told me that I had the gift of Discernment. It's nothing fancy like prophecy or that weird tongues shit or healing or anything like that. I'm just able to tell people's moods and if something is bothering them, even if no one else notices. Pippy is a very unhappy person. It may not seem that way when he's working; he's very upbeat, helpful, good with customers, jokes around, and is generally a very cheery and amiable kind of guy. People like him because he doesn't constantly bitch and moan about everything, like a lot of people do. He'll open doors for you, he'll take your trash at the restaurant and then open the door for you again. But he seems kind of lonely and confused, despite having a full house (His brother, father, and pregnant niece have all moved in with him). Every now and then you'll see a status update or feed on a friend's wall from him along the lines of "Guess what I'm lying to myself too" or "Got too much shit going on right now to be happy." Most recently is "so tiered of bs trying to figure out how to get away from somebody in my life that i luv but does me so wrong cant take it anymore just lost" =-(And that's beside the drinking. Now, I don't think he's into alcoholic territory, not quite anyways, since he doesn't show up to work sloshed, and stays at home with his drinks instead of going out and tearing up the town. But every time he's got a day off coming up, he tells everyone he's got a bottle waiting for him, and one for the next day and one for the next. I have no problem with drinking, but you only drink THAT much if you're trying to hide from or numb something. I posted in my other blog a few months back ( that I was worried about Pippy in the emotional and spiritual sense. I prayed for him, but other than that I really didn't know what to do. The last thing I wanted (and still feel this way) was to sit him down and give him a 'God' talk. He grew up in church and was raised here in the Bible belt, he knows about all that. And I know he has other friends who care about him and would probably like to see him treat himself a little bit better. All I've ever done is jokingly tell him "Be good" or "Behave yourself" when I know he's got days off coming up and is going to be making out with Jack Daniels. But for some reason, I think he's starting to crack. I hear little bits here and there about wanting to make a change in his life, a big one. And the other night, being his 'Friday' as we say in the non-8-5 world, he came through my line with his brother and niece, and started talking about his days off again. He stopped himself, but I'm positive the first words out of his mouth were "I need to qu-- . . .uh. Yeah. I'm gonna go home and have some drinkies." I just told him not to overdo it. He said he wouldn't. "At least not tonight. Maybe tomorrow." I dunno. I get too attached too easily to people, but I really do hope he's going to change for the good and is able to deal with whatever is bothering him so much. Whatever happens, I'm glad I didn't act a prude and start avoiding him or treating him like shit when I found out about the trafficking. He seems to have a need for being around other people, anybody really, but he still sticks around me a lot. The other night he came back inside before his break was over and talked to me while I was at the door. It's not like there weren't about a dozen people outside he could have talked to instead. Not that I'm complaining. I'm just not sure what to do with him. Sure, he'll hop in my truck and go to Hardee's. I wonder if he'd be opposed to going to church with me someday. Or something. It's been a while since I've been, too. I doubt it'd hurt either of us.

Mama said . . .

I've never really wanted kids. Mom apparently has a hard time dealing with this. Just when I think we've made peace with the whole "Grace wants to be childfree" thing, she up and 'Bingoes' me. "Bingo" is a term commonly used by the childfree to describe things said by childed people who are in denial about our CF-ness. "You'll change your mind" "You'll think differently when you meet the right person" "Who will take care of you when you're old?" and "But your parents need grandchildren from you!" are common ones. This past week alone, I've gotten several comments about how I just haven't met the right man yet, and that "When you have a little redheaded boy, you can name him Lane." Aww come on WTF. No little redheaded kids. No kids! I'm just not cut out for it, and I know I'd be miserable if I had any. And I don't want to put my body through childbirth, hell no! A while back I mentioned that something I liked about Pip was that he didn't want anymore kids, as in, EVAR. Her response? "Oh, I'm sure if Pippy really liked you enough, he'd want a kid with you." AH GOD NO! Now, if I can be vain for a moment and say that, hells yes, he and I would have some damn good-looking kids. However, I don't wanna squirt out kids with someone just because they'd be pretty. Pippy already has two kids anyways, and has admitted that he sometimes would like to go back in time and not have the first one. Or at least have her with someone different. But really Mom, no kids for Shiny. My Dad says "What's the point in marrying someone?" if I don't plan on having kids with them. That kind of hurts. So I'm not supposed to find and be with someone I care about, JUST because I care about them and love them, if we don't wanna squirt out kids? That's not fair.

Anywho, I could go on and on with this, but blah, I think that's enough for now. Nighty night!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Things that make you stop and think

Thanks for hanging in there with me during that last update; it means a lot to me and I wanted to say that I am doing a lot better now. It really did feel good to finally spill all that, even if only online. I'll still get that no call/no show slapped on my record, but otherwise I'm not fired or even coached or anything like that, an the front end manager seemed to think it was pretty humorous.

Not much right now in the way of sucky or loony customers, save for a guy in there last week who came in with the back half of a broken kitchen chair and was apparently threatening people. I asked the lady who is the head of Loss Prevention and safety and she said it wasn't the first time he was in there behaving like a psycho, and she was glad to see the back of him. This time he was banned from the store and even got a police escort outside.

I wanna say I straight up lied to a coworker the other night. I'll call him Nathan. He works in maintenance, and while he's an ok employee, he's a little weird. I thought it was just me. When I first started back on remodel, he approached me and said I had nice hair, and that he has a thing for redheads. Oookay. Thanks, but that's a little odd. Saturday night I clocked out and was picking some stuff up for dinner before I left. Pip asked me what I was making and we started talking about tacos. (Mmm, tacos!) I made a comment that I get soft taco shells because "No one likes the hard ones." He had just wrinkled his face up and agreed with me, when Nate walked my and quipped "Yeah, a likely story." regarding my 'no one likes the hard ones' comment. He kept on walking, leaving us both a little creeped out. I felt a little better that it wasn't just me who thought that was . . . odd. Monday night I was outside with a fellow cashier and CSM on break, and we overheard with amusement while Nate was chatting up one of the new cashiers, telling her what a dependable employee he is. They both made the statement that he was "Really weird!" though not to where he could hear it. I felt a little better still.

Went to lunch really late that night and went outside again (I love the smoker's lounge, even if I don't smoke. People who sit inside do nothing but bitch about work) and oh boy . . . here comes Nate. He sat down right across from me, looked me in the eyes, and said "Uh, Shiny, do you think I'm weird? I just notice you look at me kind of strange sometimes." Oh fuck, I wore my thoughts on my face again. I'm good at that. I smoothed it over and told him "no", obviously not wanting to hurt his feelings, and said that "Well, we're all a little weird when you think about it. But no, I just make faces a lot, so people tell me." Ack. I feel bad that he suspected me of thinking exactly what I think, but yeah, as a matter of fact, most of the store thinks you're weird, Nate. Sorry.

Had a cashier's meeting today and went, even though I was off. It was actually kind of fun and we had quite a few laughs. The two guys from loss prevention were there to talk to us about counterfeit money and how to prevent theft, quickchanging, etc. One of them has been there for years and looks like a cross between Bruce Willis and Vin Diesel, he's utterly awesome and I'd be terrified of him if I didn't know him. One cashier brought up the subject of 'till tapping', in which someone will distract a cashier while the drawer is open and have a friend reach into the till and grab out a stack of money. Bruce/Vin gave us a big smile and told us that should anyone besides ourselves, a CSM, or management put their hand in the till, we're to SLAM the drawer on their hand. Break fingers. Repeatedly, if necessary. Is it bad that I hope someone tries this just so one of us can slam their hand in the cash till? I mean really, he was dead serious, even if we were all laughing.

And now for more somewhat non-work related stuff. I'm starting to come to the conclusion that Pip's just one of those people who for whatever reason has been tossed into my life, and he's not likely to go anywhere soon. At least I hope not. He's fairly adamant about the fact that marriage 'won't ever happen again!' so it's slim we'd ever be anything stable. But I do really enjoy having him around as a friend. It's taught me that I can, in fact, move on from the tool I was previously hung up on for so many years, and that I can like other people just as much or more. Said tool is supposed to get married sometime in the next few weeks, and I didn't get a wedding invitation. Said tool has been to the store multiple times (And always through MY checkout line, dammit!) with his fiance and hasn't introduced me to her. I only know her name because of his brother's facebook updates. He is also utterly patronizing, and once even wanted me to babysit his shopping because they forgot something and didn't want to carry it back through the store with them. I had none of it. I don't get paid to watch your personal property, which merchandise IS once you've paid for it. Good riddance, baby! Pip's taught me that I'm not defective, that I don't possess a 'male repellent' as I'd begun to suspect, and he genuinely likes being around me, in a platonic way, of course. He was clocking out for lunch just as I was leaving the meeting today, asked what my plans were, and I said I might go somewhere for something to eat, did he want to come?

^ That alone would be startling to anyone who knows me outside the internet. I don't know what happened to the drastically introverted person who used to reside in this body, but I don't miss her. I would never have asked a guy out to lunch or dinner, whether I was interested in him or not. But again, knowing him has taught me how to be myself, to be comfortable around people, and for thank I can never be thankful enough. Not that he ever needs to know. But I had a good time, we went to Hardee's (Carl's Jr, in some places). Friends are good. And apparently "Heeeey, you keep your truck really nice. Hell it even smells really nice!" LOL.

You know what? Hearts really suck. And I don't mean the 'heart' that makes us do stupid things like fall for people we can never have. I mean the actual, beating human heart. A few weeks ago, one of our overnight guys dropped dead in the middle of an aisle from massive heart failure. Literally. I didn't know him beyond "Hi/Have a good night", but he seemed a nice fellow. Today when I was headed to the back for my meeting, Pip was giving me shit for coming to the store on my day off, but then asked "Did you hear about D?" Oh no, I thought he was going to tell me she got fired. We've had SO many people get fired in the last month, it's ridiculous. But no. D had a heart attack yesterday. 90% blockage in one artery and 50% in another. Serious shit, folks! She smokes, but she's not a heavy drinker and she's not overweight. She's also 37. WTF, heart? Pip said she's in an ICU waiting on surgery. The three of us have been friends since remodel. Later, I saw another cashier who's been on LOA for health problems, and she's getting on a plane tomorrow. Her brother, whom she was very close to, died of massive heart failure yesterday. Granted, he and Steve (our overnight guy) were in their 60's which isn't as startling as D having problems at her age, but it's like geeeez. Enough already. Whew.

Well, that's all for now. Time to go lose myself in Salem's Lot for a while! And I've not read it before, so no spoilers plz.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

And now, for something different

I realize this is primarily a 'work' blog, but every now and then, the personal life of me comes through, and I have to put it somewhere. I have to. I've been fighting this for months now, but it does have to come out. If you read this post, power to ya and I appreciate it. If not, well, I feel better for having gotten it out there anyways.

The past few years, I've wondered what the point of me even is. Today is one of those days where I feel too stupid to be alive. For the past week, I've been telling myself I have Monday and Wednesday off. So today, I slept in good and long, then took my nephew and his friend to the mall where we spent the whole afternoon. I came home to look at the calendar in horror, noticing I'd written "9:30-6" on today's date. And I can't come in tomorrow to make up for it, meaning I've lost an entire day's pay and gotten a No call/No show put on my permanent record with the store. I"ve had a perfect attendance record since I came back in April, and now this. It's humiliating. If the idiots who write work schedules were taught common sense at their fancy schools, maybe shit like this wouldn't happen. Leave people so that they come in at the same time every day, and have the same days off each week, unless they request otherwise. I'm tired of going from third shift to first, to midshift, to first, and then back to third. I'm not a damn robot. Not that I can blame my company; the same shit gets pulled on nurses, CNAs, and other professions as well. The people who schedule are just fucktards, plain and simple.

I'll be 27 next year. I did the year of college last year because it would supposedly "Guarantee me a job in the medical field", and nothing. Here I am again, slinging groceries for a big box company, and if I weren't living at home, I wouldn't be making poverty level and I don't know how I'd get by. I've never even been in a relationship, nor had the remotest hint of one, while everyone around me is getting married and having kids. Not that I want kids, hell no, but I would like a companion. People seem to think I'm cute and funny and nice to be around, but I'm never the girlfriend. Never. Which brings me to my next paragraph of angst.

When I came back to the store, I met Kenny A.K.A. Pip, on the remodel team. Oh, I was quite taken with him, especially compared to the other monkeys that were on the team. He was very attractive, quiet, respectful to all outward appearance, and generally seemed like a straight-laced kind of gentleman. Then out of the blue he started talking to me, all because of my name; the guys I like NEVER talk to me, let alone on a level where they feel I'm equal to them. It was great, he was so much fun to be around and so easy to talk to, and a little flirtatious on top of it. Then I found out he had a criminal record. Probation for the next 8 years, on a charge of drug trafficking. I was crushed. I cried. I worried. I stressed. I wondered what I was going to do if he came back to work. I told myself that whatever might have happened was over and that he was off limits now. He was a bad person. But he did come back, and try as I might, I couldn't see him as the villain I'd made him in my mind. I still had feelings and I continued to hang around him. I still do. He's nothing but a mess, he's very wrong for me, and yet I'm still smitten with him. It's pathetic and disgusting. On his days off, he does nothing but drink himself into oblivion each and every time, like this is the pinnacle of good times or something like that, and he never seems to get bored of getting trashed at home. At least he stays at home, I'll give him that. But then again, I'm pretty sure his license is suspended, because his brother always brings him back and forth to work. He's just some dumb hick with at least a slight alcohol issue, but I look at him like he's the fucking prince of the south or some rubbish like that. He waves or smiles or makes a stupid face at me, and I'm all grins, and I can't help it. And I hate myself for it. He pretty much has all the characteristics and habits I've always utterly loathed in a person, but I seem to put on my rose-tinted glasses when he's around. He doesn't even think about me 'that' way, and I'm pretty sure he's coming round to a friend of mine as far as feelings go. It always happens that way.

I have no savings, I'm in debt up to my ears, and it'll be at least two years before I'm paid off of most of them. I have absolutely nothing to show for my life, and no one to share it with. Most of my better friends are online, because all the people I know in person are on such a different walk of life. It's like once they find out I'm not in a relationship, or that I haven't shat babies out of my crotch, that I'm not worth talking to. And people who do talk to me, like Pip, well, I probably shouldn't be talking to anyways, but I do because it's better than being lonely and weird. On my days off, or what I THINK are my days off, anyways, I'm hanging round with people in the 20 and under crowd because they're the only ones I can get to go anywhere with me.

So all in all, yes, I really do wonder what the point of me is. I don't think the world would miss me one way or the other.