Saturday, December 8, 2012

See you blowin' me a kiss/It doesn't take a scientist/To understand what's goin' on, baby

A few posts back, I mentioned someone whom shall still be referred to as Lab Rat. He continues his flattery, albeit in a somewhat awkward and unmistakably forward manner. He kind of reminds me of the guys from The Big Bang Theory, to be honest, which really isn't necessarily a bad thing. We exchanged messages for most of Thursday and towards the end of the night, I'm positive that I was turning shades of red henceforth unknown to man in reaction to the things he was saying, which were growing increasingly pornographic in nature. He also wanted me to come over after work because he'd bought TDKR and had no one to watch it with, I felt kind of bad for saying no.Yet for all of that, he's incredibly quiet when I see him in person - eye contact will force both of us into awkward, probably stupid looking grins or he'll walk up and poke me, when he speaks it's very low. He's so weird and awkward, and yet as far as geeks go, we have so much in common. Halloween at my place of work is always interesting, I love seeing what everyone puts on, even if it's something small just to be out of dress code for the day and get away with it. I showed up all in black, with fishnets, fangs, and way too much makeup on my eyes. He'd traded in his khakis and blue for the robes and boots of a Sith Lord. Call me crazy, but that's hot. Even then, he chose to stand there stiffly and talk to Karla as if I weren't even there. But he's always sure to pop up online or send me a text and then get all sadface-y when I sign off or say I'm going to bed.

Truth be told, I really wanted to go over when he asked me Thursday night, and not just because I'm dying to see The Dark Knight Rises again. I panicked and just said I couldn't because I had work the next day, too. Main reason being that he's so quick to start with talk of licking and boobs and other activities involving his tongue. Could be he's just a little odd and that's his way of saying he likes me, or that could be ALL he wants, which I'm not quite ready for. I mean it's hugely flattering that he's having these thoughts about me at all, don't get me wrong. I even asked if he sends all his female friends filthy messages and he said no, but I'm still not sure yet. Keeping with the honesty thing, I'm starting to be a little crazy for this skinny little geek and I find myself oddly terrified. He's been burned this year already, so he could just be a horny little freak wanting to sow his oats, or there's the possibility . . . I just don't know. Maybe I'm afraid he'll do what Kenny's done to me the past two years, and frankly I'm very tired of being Kenny's fool. I sent him this sugary, heartfelt little message on the night before Thanksgiving and got NO reply. The next day he sent me a message asking if the pharmacy was open, I said no and asked why, thinking something must be wrong, and all I got was "Ok, thanks." As it turns out, his stupid daughter and her doubly stupid boyfriend were doing something stupid on a motorcycle and wound up in the emergency room. Nothing big except for drama. He could have at least told me what was going on. He also inquired early on in the week if I was working that weekend and then left me with "Dur her, see ya in four days!" He did make a small effort to go out Sunday. At the last minute. Instead of replying I rolled over and went to sleep because we'd reheated Thursday's dinner and I was overfull and ready to give in to another Tryptophan coma. It also got me to thinking .  .  . all we ever do is eat. At that point I'd decided I was ready to just start giving him the cold shoulder. I was so tired of making myself available, offering to be there whenever he needed it, putting SO much effort into even just a friendship and having him blow me off all the time. The only time we ever keep plans together is if they're ones he's made, my suggestions to go to the beach or go away for the weekend never come to be. Also, and this one is huge . . . he doesn't know that I know, but our mutual friend Stevie has a gay dating app on his phone. Guess whose profile he found while browsing the local guys?

I have never flat out asked Ken "Hey, are you sure you're not gay?" But he's volunteered statements of "I'm straight!" and "Men hit on me but I only flirt back to get free drinks" and "I've never been with a man/I don't date men."

I have slept in the same bed with this person.

Sat with my arm around him and listened to him tell me about the time his sister almost disowned him.

Been his designated driver.

Let him know that I love him and am always there if he needs anything.

WHY would he feel the need to lie to me about something as important as this? I understand some people are uncomfortable with their sexuality, but this feels like a huge betrayal after all the other stuff he's trusted me with. I mean, just . . . why? It's not like I haven't suspected he bats for the other team already. He could have come clean about this years ago instead of letting me make a fool of myself trying to win him over or get his pants off. I have lots of gay/bi friends so he knows I don't have an issue with it. I've been willing to overlook a lot with him, but this is just too much. Maybe not on it's own, but with everything else, it's just too big. The final straw was petty, but disgusting enough to put the nail in the coffin. His status on Thanksgiving night (on which he blew off his Black Friday shift, therefore forfeiting his holiday pay, by the way):

"The farts im havin are contractions for the terds Im fixing to have."

Yeah, I think we're done here. Unsubscribe. So he's still there, but I don't have to read this rubbish anymore, I've been very happy. Last Sunday I told him to come to the pharmacy and I'd give him one of the cupcakes I brought. No reply, and he never poked his face in at us, either. Yesterday during work I received another text from him, asking if I was working and when I was going to lunch. I said at four. He replied that I really suck, because he's leaving at one and wanted to have lunch with me, and that he didn't feel right going to Moe's without me, but still that I sucked. I told him if he wanted to go that badly, he could stop being lazy and just come back at four and meet me. Needless to say there was no reply and at four, I found myself just sitting at the smoker's lounge with Dixie and the usual gang of troublemakers. Terry from produce has such a perverted sense of humor and a fast mouth, he slays me. Dirty old bastard. But we all love him. I'm not going to pine over lost opportunities to eat burritos with Ken anymore. If he wanted to see me that badly, he'd drive the lousy five miles back to town to do so, not just when it's convenient for him. I mean hell, even as a friend, he just sucks. I don't even bother inviting him to anything anymore.

And then there's Lab Rat, whom shall be referred to as such until a later time. What's on his feed?

Pictures of him with his robes and lightsabers. Holding swords. Or with a snake around his neck. Yes, a real, live, wriggling snake. Goofing off with friends at work. Star Wars prints that he's found on Deviantart. And my personal favorite thus far, Sesame Street's Count punching Edward Cullen in the face.

On Kenny's feed?

In a hotel room with bloodshot eyes. Taking shots. Drinking beer. Taking more shots. At his sister's house, so knock down drunk that he's got her bra on over his clothes.

 Admittedly, from the time he started working at Voldemart, I've always thought Lab Rat was very attractive. But he was young and incredibly thin and I doubted if he'd want to have anything to do with plump,unremarkable, close to thirty me. To be fair, it wasn't until recently that I finally seized the opportunity to let on I wasn't as young as I figured he thought I was. No, Mr. Sith Lord person, I am not 23. But THANK YOU, haha! It really hasn't stopped him doing what he does. Is the 28/22 thing still a little weird for me? You betcha. But on the other hand, a large part of me really does like the filthy messages. Knowing he's had fantasies about the two of us makes it sorely tempting to just bury my hands in all that messy black hair and lay one on him. And yet his offer to come over Thursday night scared the crap out of me because I was afraid he'd want to get physical. I should really go after this, at worst, he's a creepy little perv with unfortunate good looks. At best . . . I could go to ren-faires with someone like this. Cons. Movie openings. Theme parks. If I could just get him to pull his head out of the gutter and speak, he might be a really great person. I'm not gonna be hard on the socially awkward thing, because I've been there, and I'm still there to some extent, so I know where he's coming from. Talking to people you don't really know can suck, especially if you find them attractive. Last night as I was walking past photo lab to go clock out, there he was. I had to go that way, and due to the large amounts of large layaway items crammed back there for the season and the dozen or so people squeezed into line, I ended up having to squeeze right past him, literally. He never stopped looking at me and then the motherfucker with that evil smile had to go and wink. Blood. Suddenly there was less of it in my head and I felt the need to breathe deeply and go outside for fresh air. Gods, but it's awful how someone can make me come all undone and giddy. There's definitely something there, and damn, but I want him, I want to at least try.

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