Saturday, December 17, 2011
I don't want a lot for Christmas/There's just one thing I need/I don't care about the presents/Underneath the Christmas tree
Every time that Mariah Carey song comes on, I feel a little giddy inside. Giddy, accompanied by an ache somewhere inside that grows stronger all the time. Last week about this time, I was next door, probably halfway through my third drink and getting snookered enough to become a form of entertainment for those who knew me as "That quiet, shy girl from the pharmacy. Such a good girl." Although I am happy to report that everyone is still talking to me, so I apparently didn't make too much of a spectacle out of myself. Proof that I'm still a little paranoid and a little more loosening up probably wouldn't hurt me.
I kind of stayed a little glued to Pip that evening, and I kept putting my arms around him. Granted, yes, I was drunk, but I wasn't doing it because I was drunk so much as I knew I could get away with it because I was drunk. While it felt good to be completely at ease and uninhibited to stare a little longer than was normally comfortable, to put my arms around his neck and pull him a little closer than friends probably should be, I would do the same sober in a heartbeat. Funny how just a few moments can stick in your head and drive you absolutely mad. He was leaving, it was 11:30, he was due to swipe at the time clock at 5AM, and he had all that whiskey to sleep off in the short hours between. But I wasn't letting him go just yet . . . I hit the camera button on my phone, handed it to Dixie, and attempted my ridiculous licking of his face shenanigan. Well, she was sitting and we were standing, she was too inhibited to even work the camera properly (she has the same phone!) and I got tired of hanging my tongue out so I just pulled him close instead while she tried to sort motor skills out. I'm not sure when I put my head in the curve of his neck and rested against his shoulder, but heavens, it felt wonderful, and his arm was around me, and he smelled positively intoxicating, as always, and it was with more than a bit of sadness that Dix finally got some decent pictures of us and I felt his hand slipping down and away from me. In those few moments as we were giggling at our friend's inability to perform a simple task and I kept squeezing him so that our faces pressed together and I could glance down and see the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed . . . I've almost never been quite so content. And then it was over, and his brother was reaching out for hugs of his own, and then they were gone.
At first it was nice just to keep reliving those moments, but now I'm kicking myself for not doing more, the crowd of people be damned. I was right there, it would have been so easy to just turn my head and kiss his neck. There was the time he was beside me on the porch, and for reasons I forget now, he said "Bite me, Charlie!" Charlie . . . it's a nickname. Anyways, I should have bitten him just for the hell of it. Or held that ornery stare for just a little bit longer and see what would have happened. I was doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted, and it was so easy. I think that like me, he was just drunk enough to know exactly what was going on and not care, and I think I could have done or tried anything with him in that state. And if this ever happens again, I plan to take advantage of him. Is that shameful of me? It only seems that way because if you swapped me for him, and it was Pip saying he wanted to take advantage of a drunk woman, people would frown upon it.
In my head, I see him being very affectionate and giving and sweet if I had tried what I feel I really should have. Honestly? It could all be completely physical and just as meaningless. But you know what? For the most part, I can accept that for what it is, and I just don't care. Would I like to be able to call him up or drop in on him whenever I felt like it, just to have someone to talk to or hold? Hells yes. But I also know that I finally feel like I'm ready to lose the V-card (pardon my lack of a better term!), and I feel right about it happening with him, whether it leads to a relationship or not.
I saw him yesterday at work and he says that either Dixie or myself have to take him to Moe's next week. I told him to let me know, and he's been pretty silent on the matter, like he's done before. He's such a strange creature, getting so friendly and then dropping off the face of the earth. Maybe he gets cold feet, or he just wants me to chase him, the latter of which grows very frustrating after a while.
Oh well. There's always New Year's, and a party is already in the works, and a good friend is once again making promises to get him there come do or die and shove us in a dark corner.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
- Pick up Dixie on the other side of town because her husband is Peter Griffin and forgot to.
- Upon arrival, learn that she took a hit off an enormous bong minutes before I got there and is high out of her freaking mind.
- Stop at liquor store
- Go to drive through to get sustenance for friend on weed high.
- Exit driveway and park to give directions to the guy in maintenance, the one who looks like a leprechaun, and the huge guy in unloading.
- Receive text from Produce Guy who is about three miles away from the house and has no idea where to go next.
- Proceed to play phone tag with him because his phone keeps dropping calls right when I'm trying to tell him where to go.
- Arrive at house, get yet another call from Pippy and tell him to stay where he's at so I can come let him follow me.
- That awkward moment when we're all finally there and he blows out of the ghetto van, says he needs to use the front of my truck, and proceeds to pee in Carla's front yard. For several minutes.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Maybe I am weak. Over sympathetic. Or maybe just weak and sympathetic when it pertains to certain people. I don't about him on the forums much anymore, because everyone breathed a collective sigh of relief when I took the step to 'delete' him from my life, and bringing him up again would just be asking for ridicule. But I've let him back in again, although I'm not obsessing or bordering on stalking him this time. And I would like to state that it was all him this time, and I was merely too weak and soft-hearted to Ice Queen my way out of his life. I was trying to hurry out the door for lunch, even moreso when I realized he was working just a few feet away from where I was walking. A few days later I ended up walking outside with him to the parking lot when he left and he asked me out to lunch for payday because he missed hanging out with me. So naturally that Wednesday I found myself getting showered and dressed and driving to town on my day off, because I swore I'd never be seen with him again and all that jazz. I'm confident it was a friends-only thing because he brought his brother, J. It was nice,albeit a little weird, but J is a sweet guy and we've met before. A sweet gay guy, as I learned only recently, which kind of shocked me. Usually my gaydar is pretty darned accurate and I would have probably never suspected. Gay rednecks, they DO exist! What an oxymoron, eh? Ken goes out to the gay bar with him sometimes and says they have a really good time; I didn't even know we had a gay bar in this little hick town. The first annual pride festival is happening there right this very minute, as a matter of fact. I kind of wanted to go since half of my Voldemart buddies are sure to be there and I love them to death, but I'm having a “Can't be arsed to do ANYTHING” kind of day. I'll go sometime though, that's the second time I've been invited to a gay bar and didn't end up going. Maybe before Student Tech leaves we'll hit one up with her and her girlfriend. But in short, yeah, I've gone and let Frosted Flake back in again, the future will show if I have chosen poorly. I even yellow bellied out and went “Um, hey I accidentally deleted you from Facebook. I haven't gotten used to the new phone yet and I must have clicked something. Sorry.” It's ok if you roll your eyes. But we're just friends and I'm satisfied with that, for the most part. As sappy as it sounds, I love him too much to cut him out completely, and he is nice to be around once in a while, although he's still evasive when I tell him I need to kidnap him for a weekend at the beach or get drunk together. One day, maybe. After lunch that day I thanked him (he paid for himself and me but poor J was on his own, eliciting further confusion from me, but whatever) and he gave me a big hug. The more I think about it, it kind of was the 'opportune moment', and J probably wouldn't have felt too terribly awkward if I had grabbed his baby brother by the head and laid one on him right there, but for then, the hug was enough. There's no telling what goes on in that whiskey-soaked mind of Ken's, but sometimes I have to remember that he's got a hell of a lot of stuff to deal with besides the weird redhead in the pharmacy. Short lived statuses revealed that he's not sure what's going on right now but that he still loves everybody, and that his daughter is mad at him and he intends to make it up to her by doing something, just the two of them, this weekend. It's curious that the statements that seem to actually come from his heart and prove he's got feelings after all are the ones he goes back and deletes in the morning. He's a strange creature, that's all I can say. Most friends can be curious creatures, as I've learned. The only real issue is . . . he's invading my dreams again. Multiple times nightly. And during afternoon naps, too. Hrm. And I wake up pissed off to find it isn't real.
I recently made the decision to distance myself from my friend Dix for a while, just at least a little bit. For a few weeks, it was getting to the point where she wanted to spend every last free minute we had together, even if it meant sitting in her living room watching Tivoed episodes of dreadful reality shows or me sitting at the lunch table bored to tears while she played fucking stupid Plants Vs. Zombies on her cell phone and didn't talk to anyone. Before the manager started giving me so many opening shifts, she relied on me to pick her up from her temporary home at a friend's house and take her to work, and then back at night. Except when I got there, I always had to wait for her to finish getting dressed, even if I was later than I said I would be, or finish a cigarette, or finish a level on the damn zombie game. And the same when we left at night. I don't care if she needs a quick smoke and I appreciate her being respectful enough not to try it in my truck, but put the damn phone down, I don't like waiting around for you to plant enough plants to keep animated zombies off your imaginary lawn or catapult birds at pigs. I also spent two late nights after work that week helping her move some things from their old house (it was repossessed) into her friend's house. Then she wants me to hang around at the place after I drop her off at night, even if I have an opening shift the next day. It wasn't too bad until the time she insisted I come in the house while her friend, friend's boyfriend and all the kids were gone, and then after a few moments abruptly said “I don't mean to be rude but if Friend comes home and finds people here in the house she'll have fuzzy kittens.” What the ever-loving FUCK?! I asked repeatedly if she was sure I should be in the house when her friend wasn't there, and she said yes, and then pretty much kicks me out on my ass? And still hasn't repaid the $40 I 'lent' them for gas. I just have a hard time garnering sympathy with them about losing the house – her husband has been out of work for months because he had a mental breakdown at the prison where he worked. He didn't really try very hard to get a new job, spending most of his time playing WoW or staying online all night or watching Supernatural all day. And then she, knowing they were in financial straights, still continued to smoke some of the most expensive menthols on the market, forked out $30 a month EACH for their WoW subscriptions, went out to restaurants, and bought a $90 a month smartphone plan, plus putting out for cable TV. Come on, if it was between that crap and losing my HOME, you'd better believe I'd be downsizing my damn lifestyle! That's not mentioning the little things . . . the comments about how she sometimes wants to kill her husband, or kill Ken, because they're assholes and no one would ever find the bodies. Um . . . I know 'kill the guy that broke your heart' has been a joke and a form of support for a while, but no. And no, I will not “Tell Ken you have a girlfriend LOLOLOL”. It just started to get a little creepy, is all. She seems back to normal now, but whew. I need a few new friends, LOL. Oh, and why, praytell, is her husband an 'asshole'? Because one morning she woke up 'sick' and asked him to get her clothes out of the closet and lay them out for her, after he'd been working all night and drove an hour to get home, and he said no. Grow the fuck up, sister. I'm sure that's part of the reason I was glad to go meet Ken and J at Moe's, it was just really refreshing to sit down with people who only periodically checked their phones instead of being glued to it the whole time, or went on and on about the latest crappy thing that happened to them and bemoaned the unfairness of life. I wanted to be supportive for her, but I was starting to feel like a doormat and a romantic parter rather than a friend. I dunno, I just think things are a little messed up when it's like “Lunch with friend A? Oh gawd . . .” “Lunch with friend B, with criminal record, drinking problem, and his brother? OMG yay!”
Although I have somewhat of a dilemma . . . before I decided to cut our time together, I told Dix I would request four days off at her birthday with her so we could go to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando at Universal. Then I realized, what the hell are we gonna do there for three days? To put it delicately, she is . . . too large to fit on any rides. How much butterbeer and Honeyduke's products can one consume in three days and when will that start to get boring? Fortunately it sounds like my nephew's Mom is renewing his Universal pass so he'll at least be able to go with me. I've actually thought about inviting Ken, too, but she'd probably kill me and I doubt he could afford it anyways. Eh, you never know. I might get a pass and go back down afterwards for Halloween Horror nights, he did mention wanting to do that. And again, as Barbossa would say “But I doubt it.”
Ok, in other news! My poor nephew is incredibly homesick and fed up with his other grandfather and intends to move back up here ASAP. He was going to wait until October because that would end his probation period at his new job, but he's going to try to transfer now if they'll let him, and he's let me put his application back in at my Voldemart store. The two above mentioned dysfunctional friends both told me that no less that thirty people were fired last week, I'm sure they'll need replacing! Even if he doesn't transfer or get hired at my store, he's probably going to put in his two weeks noticed and come back down. I'm pretty darn thrilled. Not about the people getting fired, but about nephew coming back. For as much as I bitched about him and argued with him and called him a dumbass, it's been a really dull two months around here without him. I miss seeing movies with him and doing fun stuff with him and his friends. I haven't been to the beach or springs since he left because everyone is always busy and I can never get Ken to go with me, either. Nephew hasn't gotten to see the new Potter movie yet because his grandfather won't take him and he can't get a friend from work to take him, either. His grandfather gets mad if he even buys a six pack of soda because “ZOMG you're supposed to be saaaaaviiiiing your monnnneeeeeyz!” It just sounds perfectly miserable and the old man sounds like a real asshole. He says he talks and texts too much. Uh, hello? What else is he supposed to do all day in a senior retirement community in a house with no door on his bedroom? I don't know why he invited him down there to live if he was gonna be like this. He's also been bitching he can't have 'female company' over with nephew there. What the fuck he's 70, I don't even wanna think about that. Anywho I've told Nephew just to let me know and I can come get him in a pinch if I have the day off, but I also told him to give notice and not just up and quit his job like I've done. Honestly I really can't wait until I get that call or text letting me know he's ready for me to drive down there and get him. When I do I'll see if I can scoop up his best friend to bring along as a surprise. And then I WILL find a theater that's still playing Deathly Hallows Part II and we WILL go see it! Mind, Mom did take me, but I feel so bad for him. He can't not see it, that would just be mean.
Work is work, although I'm realizing how funny Student is and just how much I'm gonna flipping miss her after she's left for college. Most of the time I and others end up laughing until we cry, it's because of some bizarre conversation we had and her contributions to it. A memorable one from Friday is when I told her and several others “Listen you guys, if I EVER get like that nasty old bat at my counter right now when I'm old, you all have my full permission to push my wheelchair off a cliff!” She went into a full blown and animated tirade about how they could take me to the Grand Canyon and go “Ooops, she musta got too close to the edge and caught her wheel on a rock. Man, we ain't gonna miss that tired old nasty thing.”
And now for some snippets of stupidity we dealt with the past few weeks dealing with the general public.
1. Ms. Tardy is habitually late, but Friday, the guest pharmacist, who is pregnant, called her before her shift started and asked could she please clock in, go to McDonald's, and get her a large sweet tea. Twenty minutes after ten, t shows up, Tea in hand. “Sorry it took me so long. The guy in front of me went up to the counter and said he didn't know what he wanted. Well, he knew what he wanted but he didn't know what it was called. 'The thing with apples.' After about five minutes they figured it out. He wanted apple pie.”
Me: “It took two people five minutes to figure out that 'the thing with apples' was apple pie?!”
“No, it took THREE people five minutes to figure that out. The stupid customer and two employees.”
Stay in school, kids!
From yesterday. (and the real tradgedy? I wasn't even supposed to be there. I swapped out with Shorty because she needed the day off)
Me: “Date of birth?”
And again. Different moron this time, but moron just the same.
Me: “Date of birth?”
C: “567 Southwest Blah Street”
Die in a fire.
This is for all the people who:
Know the pharmacy opens at 9AM and will show up at the store EVERY Saturday without fail and get in line five minutes before we open.
See the sign out that says “The Pharmacy will be closed from 1:30 – 2:00 PM for lunch. Thank you” and insist on piling into line at 1:20 – 1:25 despite the five people already standing there. You stupid fuckers.
The people who see the sign after we've already closed down for lunch, and wait around for us to come back at 2 (or after, seeing as how the pharmacist kind of, you know, needs to eat) and then proceed to huff and puff and roll your eyes at us and thank us for making you wait. It's thirty lousy minutes out of our TEN hour Saturday. See how you feel after having that little of time to swallow some lunch and drink a soda.
Pile into line 5-10 minutes before close, again, despite the cluster of people already in front of you.
All of you? Get a life. Seriously, get one. We are open 70 + hours a week and you have to pick open and close times to run in here and fill that scrip you've been holding onto since JANURARY! This even pisses off the pharmacy manager, and he's one of the most laid back people I know, it takes a lot to get him visibly annoyed.
That's about all for now. It'll be a week or two until I have two consecutive days off again, since I swapped half a weekend with Shorty, but she swapped with me a while back when I needed her to, so it's all fair. I wish I didn't keep accumulating these customer stories to put here, but alas . . .
C'est la vie.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Gaga is still making sense, HALP. It all goes back to my upbringing again. All my life I believe that drinking and sex were wrong. Well, sex outside of marriage, at least. And now I find the larger part of myself not caring and wanting to go there. Memorial day weekend I packed up car soap, sponges and a brush, picked up a six pack of Smirnoff Green Apple and went to Dixie and her husband's place where the three of us washed our trucks together and got progressively more inebriated as the night wore on. Mind, they know I'm an alcohol novice and kept a close eye on me so I wouldn't become an idiot or spend half the night hugging a toilet. I think mostly we ended up in front of YouTube or the TV or playing Xbox and then watching my Big Bang Theory DVDs until about 2 in the morning. In short, I had a pretty good time and intend on doing it again, even if I . . . I do feel incredibly guilty about it.
Then there's the part of me that really wants to just go ahead and lose the virginity. Not just for the hell of losing it, but . . . you know? Hopefully I'm making sense here. I don't see myself getting married anytime soon, so why not have fun? Pippin has incredibly loose morals, borders on alcoholism, and to put it bluntly just doesn't give a shit. I'm not sure he'll ever settle down or want something exclusive and somehow I'm ok with that and I still want him. We already get along and he's just THERE and single and has a drawer full of condoms sitting around collecting dust. (Dear god, what can I say, I have some weird-ass conversations with my coworkers) He spends most of his free time hosting liquor parties and getting up to all sorts of inappropriate hijinks, and while that once and still does annoy me to some extent, it makes him easy. Listen to me, I mean . . . it makes him easy?! But honestly, the idea of getting him just a little drunk and seeing if being under the influence will make him let me have my way with him has occupied my mind a lot as of late. Getting straight to the point, I seem to have decided that if I can't have him for a boyfriend, I want benefits between us. Like I said, I just wasn't raised to think or behave like this and it's frightening and empowering at the same time to just embrace it, and my biggest fear is the risk of getting pregnant rather than what my family would think. It's gotten to the point where I think Mom knows that I get up to stuff she wouldn't approve of. But all she says now is “Any kind of drinking, partying, going to jail . . . if it happens, I don't want to know. Just DON'T come home drunk and don't expect me to bail you out. But really, I just don't want to know.” What she'd say or do (since I live at home rent free) if I ever succeeded in my plan to seduce my friend I don't know, but I plan on doing my damndest if I can manage it. I keep making comments at him about taking him away or kidnapping him for the weekend and he'll somewhat reluctantly agree that we could try going to the river or something like that and then follow it up with “But I don't wanna corrupt you.” Ah, there it is again. Do I really come across as that innocent? Even when I was a church mouse, the guys, and girls, for that matter, would treat me like I was the innocent little baby sister and I hated it. I kind of thought Pips was different in that he doesn't stop himself from having lewd conversations with me or while I'm in earshot, but I guess it still nags at him like it did all those members of the contemporary Christian band years and years ago. Pip honey, my mind is a fucking cesspool and honestly I think a little corrupting would do me some good at this point. I don't wanna end up that lady who lives with dozens of animals (oh god, I'm already halfway there!) and dresses her dogs up in clothes. Although I have to say two of my friends in the pharmacy do this and they're wonderful gals. Married though. Let's just say I don't wanna end up a 60 year old virgin who dresses up her dogs. I know you're a nasty horny little bastard and our conversations have gotten more 'comfortable' and dirty over the past few months. I know you were a little drunk when we had the whips and cuffs talk and you said you like to be punished, but you were sober as a judge when you made that comment about the quiet ones being the ones you had to watch for, and 'damn I bet Shiny's a freak, aren't you?' and I haven't forgotten. That tells me your mind WENT THERE, at least once. Your mind might be wrapped around me a little better than I thought, but gods please don't be afraid to 'corrupt' me, although that's sweet of you to be cautious. I'm not sure how you can be such a gentleman and such an immoral bastard at the same time, but I love it. If someone pulled Sawyer and Charlie out of LOST and combined the characters, well, they'd have you.
Sorry for the frankness of my post tonight, but I want to be 'corrupted' as everyone jokes about me. I want this man to corrupt the hell out of me and I wonder if he'd be willing to teach me everything he knows if he found out just how inexperienced I am, if he hasn't already realized it.
Yes, I blame Lady Gaga.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
Now I can't stop listening to this.
While the lyrics fit almost exactly, except for the first kiss part, since I never had one, it's not such a good feeling. Sometimes I sing it out loud, alone or with a friend, and it's freeing. Other times I sit and listen and cry quietly. It comes back in waves; I think that I'm over him, and then it all comes back again. Maybe weaker each time, but it comes back nonetheless, and I hate it. I never really got over the drummer from church until I met Pippin. And now? Now I have to wait for the next guy to come along and give me butterflies before I'm over this one? I wish I didn't feel the need to be validated by a member of the opposite sex, that I could just be happy with the friends I have. I saw him this morning and he waved. He waved, and that was it, he kept on walking where once he would have stopped and kept my attention for as long as possible. He used to come to the pharmacy and pretend to be a problem customer, or walk up to the drop off window and give Dixie a long, detailed, and hopefully fabricated story about a horrible fungus rash in his groin. And then he used to come by at lunchtime and harass me until I left with him. Why? Why did he stop? No rhyme, no reason, and I wish I understood why; it hurts, and I really wish I could just stop thinking about it, trying to figure out what happened for things to get so cold between us.
Maybe it was just me getting my response from him. I said I'd start to come on a little stronger, invade his personal space, touch him and try to cuddle on him. I did, and now he's pretty much gone. Someone I used to spend every possible free minute with, have lunch with three or more times a week, is now nothing more than an acquaintance. How sad. I'm kind of pathetic, and there's nothing I can do about it. We've seen it in TV shows and in movies countless times; there's this one poor man or woman who is a complete sap, completely and utterly smitten with someone who probably couldn't care less about them, the classic story of unrequited love that unfolds as the person's friends look on in pity, constantly trying to snap them out of it. But life isn't like the movies, not all the time. But I still hope I find my happy ending, in myself or in someone who really is worth my time.
Friday, May 13, 2011
I get annoyed with Blogger sometimes. I had this whole post typed out and went to post it only to find out the site went read only. I went into my drafts yesterday to post it and some of it was missing, and the site was still read-only. Today I went to see if I could post it and the whole entry is gone. BAH! Oh well. It all boiled down to:
We see some weird ass names in the pharmacy and everyone, pharmacists included, gets a huge kick out of them. Pippy and I talk from time to time, but nothing like before. The other night he was acting the narcissist again and posted a picture of himself shirtless in a cowboy hat and I'm fairly sure all the females on his friends list had a minor stroke, myself included. Dix even admitted to me that if she weren't married/wasn't friends with me and therefore aware of my doomed attraction to him, hell she'd be going after that, LOL. Oh well, everyone loves him. That was the basic jist of my lost post.
I wish I could say that it really is down to nothing but me investing a few fantasies in him, maybe involving me bending him over and whipping his ass until he squeals. But something kind of tells me he's interested or possibly considering seeing the bitchy little diva in health & beauty, and if I was strictly interested in sex, than why do I want to rip her insides out through her cunt? God, please take this whole thing away from me before it turns me into a horrible person. It's not fair. I have an amazing group of people in the Funny Pharm. Even Crotchety has his lovable qualities. It's not right that they pick at me and make me laugh all day, every day, week in and week out, have me over their houses (GIVE ME PUPPIES, OMG!), invite me out to clubs, and all I can do is feel like SuperBitch just because Pips is a Grade A asshole who says he loves me but doesn't act like it. One of the other cashiers wants to get everyone together to go out to club rodeo tomorrow night, and now one of the techs who shares my weekend says she's going to harass me about it all day tomorrow and then the day after if I don't go. On one hand, I really should go, because these are my friends, the people who DO want to do things with me and include me. People who answer phone calls and texts and don't back out of plans. On the other hand, it seems like anytime we do anything, it's always on the weekend I have to work, or when I'm particularly emotional about Pips, and I end up drinking just enough to turn my eyes into little hazel rivers once I get home. I just hate going out with them sometimes because everyone has someone but me and I kind of feel like a fifth wheel, you know?
And now, the inexplicable. Possible TMI ahead, just so you have a fair warning. I had some odd dreams last night. I don't remember them in particular, just that they vaguely involved one of the guys in maintenance at work. The only reason I can think he'd be on my mind is because his birthday was a few days ago, but I didn't see him or anything. And then today, shortly after I got back to work, he was slouching around the pharmacy area, pushing a damp mop and looking kind of moody and pissed off. And in that instant I became suddenly and inexplicably fucking horny. Not like I've ever been in my life. Not that I've had experience with sex or anything, but I have NEVER felt this aroused or 'needy'. Ever. It wasn't “Oh, I bet he'd be fun. Something to ponder.” No, it was more like “I just don't even care. I don't even need foreplay. I want to lock us both in a room naked and spread so he can have me like an animal.” That's just not like me. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's just so unlike me, and I don't understand where it came from or why it's aimed at him of all people. I don't dislike him, though I'm aware he can get pretty hot under the collar if he's rubbed the wrong way; he used to have massive venting sessions with me when he pushed carts and got mad at the other guys. I suspect he might have a slight thing for me, but I can't be sure. I just tend to get the warm fuzzies for someone before my mind jumps into imaginary scenes of pornography involving the two of us. It was incredibly distracting and I'm frankly amazed I made it through the workday without a coworker or customer asking me if I was quite alright. Eventually he took his mop and moved on and the feeling very gradually passed, and then I went to break and had some donuts, and I was almost normal. Then a while later he came by again and I flared up again. I was scared to even look him in the face because I was worried he'd somehow be able to tell what I was thinking about. I don't even really know him that well. Maybe I should see what he works tomorrow and ask him to the club with us. Or like other short-lived attractions, this too shall pass.