Monday, February 28, 2011

I believe that fate has brought us here/And we should be together, babe/But we're not

Funny how the songs I loved when I was younger suddenly make complete sense now, and in turn I love them even more. I wouldn't say I like this person anymore; I really and truly care about him, I mean, not that I didn't care about him before, but knowing he likes and trusts me brings that to a whole new level. And I still have my doubts. Not about a possible relationship, because those will be there until . . . well, I find out, but sadly I still wonder why he would want to be around me other than 'Oh, there's that awkward person, I'll go spend time with her out of pity.' I know that's not the reason, but there's always that little part of me that nags. And the dreams certainly don't help. I've dreamed about my friend Pip almost every night for the past week, and I hate it. It's nice when a favorite celebrity or character shows up in our dreams and romances us. When it's an actual person from our personal lives who does this, it sucks, and badly. With the fake person, I can daydream, I can apply myself to lucid dreaming and bring it back again, just for fun, and I know I'll never meet, let alone be with, that person in my lifetime. But with the actual acquaintance that we would love to have this relationship with, it just hurts because I don't want thoughts and ideas of them, I want the real thing, and having it taken away from me every morning is nothing short of a major bummer. Then there are the ones no doubt put into my subconscious by what I mentioned above.

I dream I'm with him, I walk up to him, put my arms around him, and say softly " . . . I like you, Pippy," and smile. And then this look, this horrible look of confusion and surprise, slight disgust, and embarrassment clouds his whole face as he mumbles an apologetic rejection and pushes me away before anyone sees us. Or I try to hold his hand or link arms and he shies away, once again looking around to see if anyone noticed. These 'dreams' make me sick.

I know he'd never act like that really, unless I was being a complete child about it. But there have been times when I actually have grabbed his arm and pulled on him, or snuggled up close to take a picture. (I'm gonna find a way to get that off my phone and online if it kills me, it's fucking adorable). But I just can't help but feel that it's getting to the point of now or never. If he really does consider me as close as he says, than things like slightly excessive physical affection shouldn't bother him, should they? Friends hug and do snuggly crap all the time, don't they? It's like we've reached a really good place in our friendship, but if it stays this way too long, I could be in the friends category permanently, and I don't want that unless I have to have it. You know that line in the first Pirates of the Caribbean, after the curse is lifted and they're all heading back, and poor, puppy-dog-eyed Will Turner is standing there watching Liz walk away, and Jack saunters up to him and says "If you were waiting for the opportune moment . . . that was it." Yeah, I don't wanna be in that moment. Of course we all know that poor Will finally manned up and got his girl, but that's the movies, and not everyone is going to wait for us to put on a feathery hat and cape and proclaim our love for them not caring who else is there.

I used to think maybe Pip's nature would mean he'd be the type to like it if I got a little trashy with him, get a little drunk, a little nasty. But for all the talk and giggling about Dixie locking us in her spare bedroom under the influence of alcohol, or me having to do CPR on him and 'see what pops up' . . . I'm really glad that didn't happen and hasn't happened yet. He's a cheeky bastard and no doubt has needs like any person, but something is telling me that it'd be better for both of us to do this the old fashioned way, because under all his goofy albeit very present manliness, he really is a softie. I mean hell, he admitted to me that Bambi makes him cry and that it made him sad that his daughter was too embarrassed to make homemade pizza with him anymore. That he watches the movies he bought for his kids more than they ever did. He may be damaged and rough around the edges, fuck, I strongly suspect he has an ankle bracelet on (which would explain his evasive behavior, lack of social life outside home and work, and constant habit of blowing off invitations or 'getting sick' when he said he'd be somewhere). But he has feelings just like the rest of us, like me. Maybe even more like me than I would have once believed. Mom doesn't really like him. Because he has baggage, because his family is nuts, his Dad is a huge asshole . . . because he 'can't take care of you'. She's still under the impression that the purpose of finding a man to share my life with is so that I can sit at home all day, children or not, while he brings home a paycheck. I don't want that. Pippin summed it all up, really. I'm his friend just because I want to be his friend, not because I think he has something to give me materially. I do want things from him, but money could never buy them. Sometimes we don't talk. We just sit outside together, just close enough to where we might brush or bump into each other if we move, where I can hear him breathe and smell him. He smells amazing, by the way. I wouldn't trade those times for anything, except maybe a million more just like them.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

I'm barfing up rainbows . . .

. . . and it's his fault. And I'm also scared. Pippy's been really quite adorable the past couple of days; yesterday we were on the same schedule and I walked by produce on my way to clock out for lunch. It's really way out of my way to go to that side of the store to clock out, but we all know why I do it. He saw me, mouthed "Time to go?" and immediately dashed to the back to put up whatever he was doing and follow me. We went to Zaxby's and he took it upon himself to run to the counter to grab my order and bring it to me. You're embarrassing me, Pip, but don't stop. Today he came in an hour earlier than I did, so I figured he'd just go ahead without me, but when 4pm rolled around, he strolled right up to the pharmacy counter and asked me when I was ever going to go. I had such an awful line piled up, but I let Hope know I'd be going in a few minutes and she came out to help me get it down; after we got rid of all the dumba--- um, customers, I said I was sorry, but that he made me so girly. Unsurprisingly, she understood. It's usually me going by his department and collecting him, never the other way round, and it was nice to be on the flip side. He said that he wanted to wait for me so he could keep me company and it made the rest of his workday shorter anyways. We made a quick stop for tacos and spent the rest of the time sitting outside in the smoker's lounge; the weather has just been so nice lately and it's a crime to stay indoors unless you can help it.

I've made a habit of sitting close to him, I daresay uncomfortably close, but he doesn't move away. Not when I surreptitiously scoot just a little closer or put my chin over his shoulder when he shows me something on his phone. I'm forever all up in his personal space and he doesn't do a damn thing about it. I had to thank him tonight for having lunch with me yet again, and he went on to tell me how much he considers me one of his best friends because I never want anything from him other than friendship. Excuse me while I run laps around the house at 1AM and scream and squeal like a demented banshee. See why I throw up rainbows now?

But of course this terrifies me as well; what if I'm forever filed into the 'Friends4EVER!' part of his life and that's all we'll ever be? What if both of us are too chickenshit to give anything beyond a chance because we're afraid we'll screw up what we already have? On the other hand, it's said that there's nothing better than realizing you love your best friend. I guess only time will tell. Told him he's getting a big hug next time I see him and he says he'll be expecting it. We'll just go from there and see what happens.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I had second thoughts at the start/I said to myself "Hold onto your heart"

I don't care what consequence it brings
I have been a fool for lesser things
I want you so bad
I think you ought to know that
I intend to hold you for the longest time

Yeah, Shiny is feeling sappy tonight. Very, very sappy and frustrated and somewhat unsatisfied. Clothes shopping is very frustrating, and I'm sure thousands of women, and probably a decent number of men too, around the world, will echo my sentiments. I just ended up grabbing some affordable stuff at Wallyworld instead of spending heftier change on things I intend to be too small for in a few months. Dix keeps pushing me to get something loud and sexy and something that'll put my boobs (what precious little of them exist) into perspective. It seemed like a fun idea at first; the two of us out to lunch together and talking about my boobs and drinks and her party Saturday and what all we're gonna do. She seems to be planning to find a way to shut Pip and I in the spare bedroom alone together and see what happens, and I mentioned birthday spankings. FUN! I know he can be crazy and it'd be great if these things happened, but oddly enough, I probably won't care if they don't, either. Would I enjoy being trapped in a bedroom with him while both under the influence of alcohol? Heck yes! But . . . at the same time, if I could put that off for a while and instead just . . . be with him, I would. And this is where it just starts to get really frustrating. Maybe things would be much simpler if I only wanted to bed wrestle with him, but no. I've held his hand when we were playing around and being dumb all those months ago and I want to hold his hand again. I want to show him off. I want to bring him home and walk our dusty roads with him for hours on end and then curl up beside him on my couch. I know he spends a lot of his free time shut up in his bedroom at home with TV and pizza and chocolates and whiskey, and I want to go home with him and keep him company there. I saw him today and he had me wait a minute while he looked for a coworker to see if his department would be covered if he left with me for a while, but couldn't find anyone and told me he'd have to skip this one.

It ruined my whole fucking day. (Well, my day was already slightly ruined by the discouraging visits to the damn clothing stores, but this really didn't help).

I picked up the honey my nephew asked for and the milk my Mom asked for, and also stopped at Garden to pick up a new rosebush. Nice bright pink ones, since we don't have that color yet. As I was carrying them out to my truck, the cashier I mentioned in my last post, the one who asked if Pip was my boyfriend, was also walking out, and noticed the roses.

"Your sweetie buy you those?"

"Nah Allie, I don't have a sweetie."

"I know, we went through this last time we talked. But you'd like to have one. Someone needs to put a bug in his ear."

"Yeah yeah, I just don't want to scare him off though."

"Yeah . . . I guess you're right."

People keep asking us these questions. Me, anyways. If he does too, he doesn't say anything. But then again, I don't say anything either. People think he's my sweetie. People who don't even know him think that he should be. We're seen together all the time, and Mom says my whole freaking face lights up when I'm around him. He can't be too uncomfortable or people wouldn't be assuming things about us if he were constantly going around with this aura of 'I wish she'd go away' on his face. I haven't confirmed that I am in fact interested with more than a select few people sworn to secrecy, but everyone knows about me. His brother gets a really stupid, knowing kind of smile on his face whenever he seems me talking to him. Pip HAS to know. He just has to. Dix agrees with me that if he hasn't figured it out by now, he's got to be pretty damn dumb. What if he's sitting at home right now with the same uncertainties going through his mind? I wish I were more adept at letting him know I'd like to go to the next level with our friendship without coming right out and putting it all out there and risking rejection. That word and everything that goes with it scares me so much, because I've got a record for taking a very long time getting over people and I don't want to go through all that again. I've liked people before but God, none of them actually ever wanted to be friends with me. I never did have very many friends up until the last year or so, and I don't want to lose one of them now. With the other guys, I could waste away hours and hours in fantasy land, painting pictures of what I thought things could be like with them, but those futures never happened. With Pippin I can actually go places with him and talk with him and to some extent, touch him. I get cold hands easily and one of my favorite things to do is say "Guess what!" and put them on his neck because I know he hates being cold but he always smiles anyways. The last time I pulled that all he did was tense up and then laugh like he always does but I swear . . . the most amazing electric like currents shot all through me and caught me completely off guard. Maybe that only means I'm a horny little bitch, LOL.

I have his phone number now. Took me 9 months but I finally grew the figurative lady-balls and asked for it. Yesterday he sent me a rude and dirty joke that made me smile halfway through the workday. He's only a call or text away but I'm scared to seem desperate. The night for no reason other than I felt silly I sent him "I bought you a cookie . . . but I eated it." The phone thing doesn't bother me too much though, since I generally hate talking on them anyways and would prefer a face to face conversation, especially with him.

I know I need to give him his time and his space. I don't know why his marriage went sour or if he has an opinion of women in general, except that he does keep his distance from the two high-strung girls in his department. Gets along with them just fine, but doesn't go out of his way to get too close, either. If I can be a complete bitch for a moment, I've never particularly cared for one of them and got the distinct impression she dislikes me a lot, even when I worked there years ago. She wanted Pip to go out drinking with her and some of her friends on NYE and he said no, and admitted to me that he really didn't want to although he just told her he had to sit at home with his Dad. When I came to pick him up on Saturday I was walking around looking for him and I'm pretty sure she shot me one hell of a stinkeye. WTF, fix your own screwed up marriage lady. It's not my fault your husband cheated on your after you popped out baby #2. Chill. Could have just been my imagination, but I know stinkeye when I see it and damn. Anyways yes, I need to be patient with him. He has his family to worry about. His kids. Whatever skeletons are lurking in his closet. But I do grow so very impatient; I just wish I knew already, where he stands, where his mind goes should I cross it. He must have some kind of feelings for me, I just know it. I only wish he'd say something so I could be at ease, so I could go ahead and hug him without worrying it'll make him uncomfortable, so I won't get paranoid if he doesn't make as much eye contact as I think he should or if he has half a dozen other women trying to figure out his work schedule and asking him places.

Sometimes at night I have dreams that he's sitting across the table from me and I try to take his hand, but he pulls away. Then he reaches over anyways and grabs mine and just sits there and caresses it, looking uncertain but happy. And then I wake up, realize it wasn't real, and fight the urge to scream and cry.

I just, I just . . .

Sunday, February 13, 2011

It makes me smile

It's been an odd week, seeming like the days would vary from going to hellish to awesome to hellish and back to awesome again. Friday was crazy as usual, and with us having two techs and a cashier out it was even moreso. And infuriatingly enough, none of the impatient customers seemed to care when we explained the reason for the delays on their orders. Things like diabetic and blood pressure meds I can understand, but if you get pissy with me because your levothyroxin isn't ready yet and you were supposed to have it 15 minutes ago, don't expect me to sympathize. As a matter of fact, any and all sympathy I had for you went out the window after you left and one of the techs told me that you'd had that prescription written and given to you in NOVEMBER and just now came to fill it. But in the meanwhile, as I'd suspected but entirely forgotten about, Dixie was stealthily trolling about our little box getting everyone to sign a birthday card for me, and it just made my day. I know it's tradition to do that for everyone but it still makes me feel loved, you know? The group of mixed nuts that is the pharmacy crew are just people I'm coming to love more and more all the time.

Pippy caught me on my way to lunch and expressed much regret he couldn't come with me because he'd just come in, so I told him I could meet him when he got off Saturday night instead. Came home to a FB message saying he had to take his Dad somewhere that night and couldn't make it, but that I could meet him at noon instead if I wanted to. Hmm. I thought for a while because it kind of made me think he was trying to back out on me, but early the next morning he'd sent another message saying to call him and let him know, so I sent him a text saying noon was fine. I guess I just worry to much, that and my over-analyzing. I'd also gotten a little freaked out because Dixie said she'd been teasing him about taking me out and had told him he'd better take me someplace nice or she'd beat the crap out of him. O_o I told him I hadn't meant for anyone to pick at him because of the rumor trouble he'd gotten in last year, and he said he didn't care if people thought things like that about us because I'm not married to another employee like Lana, LOL. So yeah, I worry too much, blame my Mom for that, ha. She's much worse.

It was just lunch like it always is with us, nothing particularly special, but it was super great, for once, to be out on my birthday with someone of the opposite sex that isn't a relative, even if he is just a friend. For now. He mentioned that one of the cashiers keeps trying to ask him out and he keeps saying no. She's about 10-12 years older than he is and twice his size, poor lady, lol. I was genuinely surprised when he said who it was because I wasn't aware she even knew who he was. Apparently after she realized he really meant no, she started asking his brother instead. The boys are just to damn cute and lovable for their own good, I guess. Some fun tidbits I discovered yesterday . . .

He loves big dogs and went goo-goo eyed and whimpered "Awwwwwww!" when he realized someone was selling mastiff pups at the sub shop across from work. He didn't want to go look at them when I offered to drive over there though, said the temptation to buy one on the spot would be too much.

He's unable to watch Bambi, Steel Magnolias, and Fried Green Tomatoes because they make him cry uncontrollably.

He can't wait for summer to get here so he can spend all his days off at the river. And he wants me to come with him.

Not sure what to think right now, but it's nice to know he really does want me around, and even nicer to know he's not bothered that people keep assuming the two of us are together when we aren't. I don't know if people are asking him as much as they are me; one of the older cashiers was picking up a script Friday and asked "So, that guy I'm seeing you with all the time, is he your boyfriend?"

"Nah. We're friends."

"Oh . . . I thought he was your boyfriend. Well why ain't he?!"


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

. . .

Didn't go to sleep until probably after 2AM last night and was woken by the boss calling me at 8 in the morning wanting to know if I could come in because H is out sick. The previous day had been hellish in every way possible and the thought of going back kind of made me want to cry, but I said I'd get there as soon as I could. After all, Dix would be back at work and Pip would be there too. Turns out the customers weren't too bad, and Crotchety Pharmacist™ was in a remarkably good mood, laughing and joking and carrying on instead of chucking things at us and yelling , grumbling like normal. He seemed particularly tickled by a list of 'ways to know you're in a redneck church' that was emailed to him and kept passing it around to everyone and laughing himself silly. Also turns out when the other cashier, A came in, she was nice enough to be cool with me not going to lunch until 4 when she normally would go so I could go with Dixie. Pip saw me and said to let him know if we were going anywhere because he wanted to come. He did the same thing yesterday actually; told me to come see him when I was going to lunch so we could hang out. Didn't have my truck then so we just sat outside and shared chips and gummi worms. You know, normal adult behavior. The three of us went to Burger King today and he ended up bumming a dollar off me. We had a good time though, mostly talking about body mods, of all things. I've finally decided on a design (if you're reading this Amy, thanks for the help!) and it's just a matter of figuring out when to get it done; Dixie wants to come with me.

She'd clocked out a little earlier than me and so I was left there alone with Pip for a few minutes before it was time for us to re-attach the ball and chain. I forget how the subject even came up, I think I was talking about the weekend and how I was glad I'd be off because Saturday is my birthday, and I found myself fairly taken back when he went on about "Oh yeah, it's the 12th, isn't it? Do you work Friday? I could take my lunch a little early so we could go get dinner together or something. I'll check my schedule."

I'm not sure what the fuck just happened or if he'll make good on that but it made me very happy.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

I need a change

It's been a sucky weekend, to be sure. I cleaned up a little yesterday because frankly I can't relax in a house or room that is sloppy and messy. I haven't properly seen the sun in over a week and it's chilly and muddy; I can hardly walk into the pasture to feed the horses without sinking ankle deep in mud and equine sewage. Horses. I'm so tired of horses I could scream. We don't ride them, they're ill-tempered, and now we can't even get a halter back onto the youngest one. There are days I wish I could just open the gates and pray they all run away and never come back, without caring what happens to them. My almost-three year old, I'm convinced, is determined to kill me as I can't go near him without having to dodge being bitten or kicked. We've made up our minds that we're going to try extremely hard to sell them by or shortly after spring. I'm just afraid no one will want them.

I'm not much of a football fan, but I was at least going to watch the Bowl tonight for the fun commercials. But we only have one TV that receives channels and Mom watched crime drama reruns for a straight fucking 8 hours and refused to change the channel because she 'hates football'. Then she found some depressing as fuck Richard Gere movie on the CW channel (*gag*) and has been glued to that since 8. I don't know what it's about but the whiny music and sound of characters constantly arguing is enough to make me want to check into a mental health center and I'm not even watching it. There was a break between the crime shows and this, however, where the TV was turned down to a volume not loud enough to understand what's going on, but just loud enough to be annoying, during which she proceeded to have a loud, repetitive, circular argument with my Dad about the horses. They must have had the same 'conversation' 9 or 10 times in the space of an hour, and that's not counting the fact that they had the SAME argument this morning about 3 or 4 times already.

I love my family, but I hate living here. Hate it. Mom almost literally doesn't do anything all day except feed the animals at morning and night. In between that she's in the chair watching TV and more TV. Dishes might get done every other day and the floors get vacuumed . . . when I vacuum them. I need a place of my own quite badly. I'm not sure how I'll handle living completely alone but it has to be better than this.

Tomorrow is going to be awful. It's nephew's damn GED class day so he 'needs' my truck. Let me mention he's been taking these classes for over a year and still isn't above a 7th or 8th grade level. Meaning I'll be stuck at work with no way to leave for lunch or even go sit by myself and I hate it. Dixie will be off for the next two days otherwise we usually go to lunch together. Pippy won't be at work either and this is how I found out. Sometimes I really hate Facebook.

' off from work super bowls on no work tom lol gonna have a great night got some one comeing to see me'

Well gee fucking whiz, I wonder what that last bit could possibly mean. FML and fuck him sideways with a rusty butterknife and his stupid friend too. Why? Why is it never me? It's never me. I'm stuck at home with my freaking MOTHER listening to a damn CW movie. I hate everything about my life right now and I just wish I could move away to a place on the beach where no one knows me and I can just be alone.

EDIT: Ok so it looks like he only had a bunch of people over and then hit the bottle after they all left. Still, I would have liked to have gone :-\

Friday, February 4, 2011


I've kind of been neglecting this thing for a while, haven't I? Truth be told, I'm kind of embarrassed of myself right now, because I'm falling for Pip all over again and I can no longer deny it to myself. It kind of makes me feel silly, and weak, and a little stupid, and people will roll their eyes at me, but it is what it is. I am what I am and I do what I do. But if you have me on Facebook you were probably already aware of all this, or perhaps not.

Last week, Dixie once again jumped in front of me at the cash register and paid for my lunch, saying that I could just cover her the next day. Pips came in the same time with us the following day so I just mentioned "Hey, I'm buying lunch today, wanna come?" Being the person that he is, he immediately wanted to know when we planned on going, and I thought that was that. Dixie and I stopped to make creepy faces through the window in the produce doors and he came out to join us and we ended up going to Moe's Southwest Grill (which I highly recommend), since Dixie loves it and put me onto it, and Pippy had never been. Dix, being the stubborn dork that she is, ordered first and ended up paying for her own stuff and buying all three of us cookies and queso on top of it. "I've got me. You get him." Silly lady. So anyways, my stuff is ready, he's watching in fascination as the awesome guy behind the counter finishes his, and suddenly goes bug-eyed and slack jawed when I give my card to the guy at the register. Uh oh, I've made him uncomfortable, which in turn has made me uncomfortable, but I brush it off. "What?" I ask. "I said I was buying today." He's always joking around and asking me what I'm buying him for lunch, but I guess he never actually expected me to do it. After a few "Uh . . . well damn. Damn. Thanks!" the three of us found a table and generally had vulgar and immature conversation as usual. Well, maybe not as usual, since he's usually more reserved when it's more than just me and him, and we were all a little more 'loose' than we would have been knowing co-workers and managers were around. Sidenote: People have been getting fired left and right, so now we're all scared to let the convos get too dirty lest someone files a sexual harassment claim against us. Somehow the topic turned to lubes and flavored lotions and Pip & Dix were casually going on about how the ones that smell good don't taste good, and the ones that taste good are too sticky, and gosh Shiny must think we're a bunch of weirdos. Oh wait, nah, she's quiet. Watch out for the quiet ones, I bet Shiny's a freak, aren't ya? Guys, if you only knew. If you only knew.

And really, if they did. I wonder if they really realize that my mind is a cesspool but I've never actually . . . gone swimming. All in all we had a good time, and I was glad that Pip didn't spend the whole time fidgeting like he normally does when other people join us for lunch. The teenage girl in me was tickled that he put his arm across the back of the seat. When we got back to the store, he started up again with his awkward stammerings of thanks and I just told him to consider it his birthday present from me. I'm not sure if he's not used to people doing something like that for him, or if I made him feel weird because a female bought him lunch, or if he now in turn feels obligated to do something back, which I don't expect, obviously. But it was just something I wanted to do, whether it leads anywhere or not. He's never given me personal reason not to trust or like him, and he'll always be my friend, and I just wanted to get him lunch. I know I would have regretted not doing it.

Saturday he stopped by the pharmacy, made short polite small talk, and then launched into a vent about the aggravating day he was having, between his elderly coworker forgetting to do something, and then some nasty old bat of a customer throwing a rotten green bell pepper right at him. I think he mentioned it at least once a day for the following week. I'd be pissed off, too. Having something deliberately thrown at me is something I haven't encountered yet in my retail career. But for as cold and offstandish as Pip has been lately, he's seemed to start warming back up again, and things are like they used to be. I'll visit him in produce and he'll visit me in the pharmacy. It was probably my imagination, but as I was making a less than half-hearted attempt to end a conversation with him last week in order to rush to the back and manage to eat in what was left of my 30 minute lunch, it seemed like for a short moment that he leaned forward to hug or kiss me goodbye instead of just saying it, before catching himself.

This will probably not end well, and I know it. I'll let myself get far too attached to him and he'll get a new job, or move away, or worse, take up with someone who isn't me, and I'll get my heart broken. Or we'll end up giving it a spin and either realize it just won't work or end up hating each other. But I'm nearly 27 and I'm just so tired of having not really lived, of being in a sheltered world. I want to go after this beautiful mess. I often wonder how much longer it's going to be before one of us brings up a friends with benefits kind of situation, because he admittedly has no conscience and now I have his own word that he thinks I must be some kind of freak in the bedroom. It seems like it'll only be a matter of time and I know that I won't tell him no. Is it wrong to want to come out of my conservative baptist shell that I've only been wearing as a mask for years now anyways, even if it means involving myself with Pippin and his live-and-let-live attitude, his love of alcohol, and his batshit crazy family? Dixie is having a party at her place weekend after next, partly to celebrate mine and Pippy's birthdays and whoever else she knows that was born in February. She told me to see if I can get Ashley to swap out days with me because I'm supposed to work that weekend because I'll need day of recovery afterwards. There will be lots of people from work, people I don't know, and lots of alcohol. And probably Pippy.