Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Simply smiling because it happened

Alas, dear Leonard, I barely knew ye.

I am sorry things didn't work out, since he was such a perfect, geeky fit. But  . . . gah. Red flags. Mainly, the fact that he wanted to have sex with me, which I was actually ok with, if he 'wrapped it up'. Next thing I know, he'd flopped down beside me and was pouting.

"I don't feel like wrapping it up" he said. "That just sounds like too much work. See, if I stop to do that, I won't stay hard, and it's just so much work, trying to put the condom on and not let it go soft, I lose my concentration."

"I told you before, I DON'T want your babies."

He fed me some story about how pulling out has 'served him well for many years'. HAHAHAHAHAAA . . .

So we made do with what we'd been doing, but I can't pretend there wasn't tension after that, and not the good kind. Either way we didn't fight, but since that night he's been notably less risque in conversation and at some points has gotten downright weird and disturbing. Earlier this week he told me he was an evil person, so I asked why. 

"I have a Nazi flag"

Holy shit. Ok, ever killed anyone?


Raped anyone?

"Not totally."

What the FUCK?! How do you 'not totally' rape someone. Ultimately I told him there's nothing wrong with having a dark side, since most of us do, as long as you don't let it take over you and go wild with it. The response?

"One day I will."

It's entirely possible I carried on a sexual relationship with a mentally unhinged person. Or maybe he was deliberately trying to scare me. Either way, I think we're done here, sadly. We still talk on occasion, but he doesn't give me anymore booty calls or even hint he'd like to get together for any reason now. I'm sorry he feels the way he does and I hope he gets help someday. I'm also a little uneasy I spent so many hours locked in a room with him with so many knives and swords laying about. Sometimes he seems pretty normal. But this. . .  yeah, it's going nowhere, and I think it's best I distance myself from him at this point. 

Regardless, as Elizabeth Swann would say "I'm not sorry." If nothing else, this was an ego boost. I am desirable, enough for this guy to persist after me for months on end before finally admitting I gave him the tinglies in his nether regions. It helped me massively to get over Kenny and to realize what a selfish dick he's always been. Crazy or not, Leonard made the friendly neighborhood Produce Guy look like an enormous turd. Not to mention, well . . . I've been wanting for a long time now just to grab someone and make out with them like there's no tomorrow. To fitfully peel clothes off and fling them wrecklessly wherever they might go. It was the sexual release I've been craving for several years, but couldn't find. And I picked up a few new skill sets, if you know what I mean *wink wink*  for the person who will ultimately matter.

I can at least say with confidence, I would have regretted not taking the leap.

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