^ That's generally how I refer to my place of work. And it's not the fact that people bring Wallabies, snakes, and skunks into the store to 'socialize' them, either. It's the other 97% of the population who cause me to give the store this moniker. Today was one of those days where I genuinely did feel like I was at the Funny Farm. Read on.
You Can't Fix Stupid. (But you can laugh at it!)
I had a woman through my line today that didn't understand how 'cash back' works. She thought it was my responsibility, so when the debit screen asked her "Do you want cash back?", she pushed no, because she wants cash back. That makes sense, right? RIGHT? No? Oh. I forgot that you're probably a rational person reading this, sorry. So then of course the receipt prints out and I'm not prompted to give her any money. We have a frustrating circular conversation for a few moments during which I explain you can only get cash back if you make a purchase, I can't just run the card and take out money like an ATM machine. "But I DID make a purchase!" Yes, and you didn't take the opportunity to tell the nice machine you wanted extra money. She demands a manager. Fine. I walk away to find one, because we're not really that busy and the CSM's were pretty plentiful for a change. I explained the situation to V, who immediately turned to Gary and begged him to "Please? PLEASE could you handle this one? I already have a tremendous headache. Did you hear her say what's going on?" "I caught the end of it", he says, with his typical and slightly disheartening poker face. He starts walking with me back to the register, and says
"I'm gonna stab this woman in the neck with a pencil."
LMAO. This guy is usually fairly serious, but every now and then he'll pull something like this and I never know what to think.
Me: "Okay! Do you want me to look away when you do it?"
G: "No. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna drag her right underneath the camera first."
He ended up having to walk this woman through every. Last. Step. Of the debit process, and she swore she was 'never coming through this line again!' Yay! Please don't. I think she was just as pissed off at him as she was with me. Later on, Gary entertained me some more when I ordered change. He brought me twenty 5 dollar bills and held the zippered bag open for me to put the $100 bill in. When I dropped it in there, he moved the bag like it was a mouth and went "OM nomnomnomnom!" OMG, it just about killed me. I was already running low on nerves and sleep.
After that, a guy came through my line and dug around in his pockets for money to pay for his soda. His pockets contained a wallet, keys, some money, and a prescription bottle. His hands were shaking and he kept dropping stuff all over the place, I'm almost positive he was high. When he handed me the money, I noticed his fingernails were really long and painted with sparkles. The lady behind him was having a horrible time keeping a straight face, although she admitted it really wasn't a laughing matter. Let's see . . . what else
That's about it, as far as crazy customers, although lunchtime was amusing. One of the cart pushers is a fellow horse owner and we were enlightening J, our front end manager on different facts about them and answering his questions. He was horrified when he learned what we meant by 'cut' the horse. I thought everyone knew male horses got gelded (neutered) most of the time, LOL. He just kept going "Oh my god . . . owwww." Funny stuff. Also, I shouldn't find this funny, but Pip has a bad headcold. Why they don't send him home without a point is beyond me, since he's working with food, but ah well. Such is life. But when he talks . . . it's freakin' hysterical to me for some reason. Don't worry though, I didn't laugh right at him. Just later when I had time to think about it. Another cashier is sick too. If I don't catch this bugger, it'll be a miracle.