Wednesday, May 4, 2011

All work and no play? Not me!

So yeah, it's been a while since I tapped out some thoughts here. Truth be told, Not much has crossed my mind since I promised myself I'd at least try to mentally 'break up' with Pip even if we were never together. I expect I would have relapsed by now if not for the fact that he's been working almost exclusively 5AM-12PM or 5AM-2PM shifts. He says he's required as Downstacker (whatever that may be, I still haven't figured it out. Just that he does the job and Nature Boy wouldn't). Anyways, he's required as Downstacker to work 1PM-10PM once a month to do inventory. That opens up a whole 'nother rant about "What the fuck, corporate, have you not heard of a sleep schedule? Yep, he's gonna be SUPER useful on that odd day by 9:30 at night when he's usually been asleep for a few hours at least." So in short, we really don't see each other face to face much anymore. The last time, in fact, literally all I got was a quick and half-hearted "Hi, Shiny/Bye Shiny!" from him as he swiped the time clock and bolted for the doors. It's what I wanted, yes, for him to stop being quite so happy friendly bff type person, but at the same time it's disappointing. He'll write on my FB every now and then about how we never see each other anymore, but he never follows up or responds or calls me. Meh. This Friday is May 6th and I'm fairly certain that's when the good ol' Department of Corrections is going to take off his pretty bracelet, and I'm also curious how he'll act afterwards.

Regarding my post yesterday, yes, it was pretty much caused by the monthly onset of hormones, but I can't pretend it hasn't been lurking in my heart and mind, anyways. And yet I wasn't only crying because of the whole failed love interest thing - I had a friend. While I have girlfriends, I won't pretend that I didn't like going out with Pippy a lot better. Why? Well . . . all my girlfriends are married or at least dating someone. And it would be, IMO, pretty inappropriate if I were spending as much time with a married man as I did with him, but it was OK, because we were both 'safe', if that makes sense. I'd never had a really good guy friend before, not one that would go out with me alone just because. And I miss it. I don't know why he gets so chilly with me sometimes and chummy others. But a large part of me really does want him back . . . just as a friend. One that, instead of lamenting his love handles or saying how ugly he is, will laugh about it. One that will never beg me to go to the Breaking Dawn opening or watch The Notebook with him. Maybe after he gets 'loose' this weekend. Maybe not. Regardless, I would love to have a guy friend again. If it's Pip, great, if not, well then, that's ok, too. I love my girlfriends, but . . . yeah, I love men more.

And now for something slightly different. Instead of sitting about on my days off, worrying about saving every last penny, I'm going to let myself have a little fun. On the Monday after Easter, I packed up the Nephew and we drove to St. Augustine Beach for the day and it was nothing short of therapeutic. I'm thinking of going again this weekend; Dix may or may not tag along. If not the beach, then the local springs, and I might bug Pippy to see if he wants to come after work. He'll probably flake out or turn me down, but it's the thought that counts. FFS, I'm 27 and not getting younger to be sure. I don't plan on raising a family and it doesn't look like I'm marrying anytime soon, so instead of sitting home being miserable and planning for the future, I'll worry a little more about the here and now and making myself a happy person with what I have. Guys just wanna be my friends? That's certainly better than not having any friends at all, or only having them be around me because they're strictly romantically/sexually interested. I guess that's just me finally shedding a little more of the Conservative/Fundamental attitude I was raised with.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for updating, my dear. There's nothing wrong with wanting a guy friend...a little romance keeps life interesting! Hopefully that time will come soon enough... In the meantime, just keep the hope.