Monday, November 29, 2010

Getting back to me

I did a lot of thinking and reflecting (and internet sleuthing) over the weekend. Also had a few good talks with Mom. The more I thought about how Pip's acted recently, the more angry and upset I got with him, though whether he knows it or not is anyone's guess; probably not. He shouldn't have constantly followed me around during and after remodel, he shouldn't have held my hand and screamed "WE'RE IN LOOOOOVE" at the top of his lungs on that morning in May. He should have said 'no' when I kept asking him to grab lunch with me, just the two of us. While it does seem from his recent behavior that he might have finally realized "Ooops, this is starting to be too much", what kind of a dunderhead acts this way without realizing he's making someone think he's interested? But I never claimed he was the smartest man in the world, in fact I remember telling myself and my family "He's pretty dumb. He's really, really dumb! Why do I want him again?" The rap sheet I found on him shows just how incapable he is of learning. He worked his way up from 'failing to yield' and 'minor in possession of alcohol' at age 18 to 'driving with open container' and 'attempt to sell drugs' most recently. I'd thought what he did earlier this year might have been because he was unhappy about recently losing his Mom, but I guess it's just the way he is. I'm officially filing him into the 'just friends' category before I make anymore of a fool of myself; people have definitely started to notice I was always with him, enough is enough.

Last night I realized just how far from myself I've gotten lately. I was listening to the soundtrack for How To Train Your Dragon (I seriously enjoy that movie way more than anyone my age has a right to) and looking at tattoo designs and jewelry featuring dragons. "Hey, that's right, I really like dragons!" I said to myself. I like most things fantasy. I've gotten away from that for a while. I had the weekend off and went back to work today and pretty much had a blast. Not that anything spectacular happened, but I had fun. Fun with the customers, fun with my manager and coworkers in the Funny Pharm, fun with my buddy Hurley at lunch. Pip was off today, but it was awesome not feeling a little bummed about that fact, or worrying about going to find him, or seeing if I could manage to fanangle my breaks so that they coincided with his.

. . . SMEAGOL'S FREE! *giggle*

After I clocked out I swung by sporting goods, talked with my good friend Jim in toys and caught up with Louie, who worked on overnight remodel, got moved up front with me, moved to service desk, then to sporting goods, and who is starting Asset Protection on Saturday. Nice guy, not bad looking. not that it means anything, but I'm just gonna be friendly with everybody from now on, regardless of where it may or may not lead.

I'm a free bitch, baby, and it's the greatest feeling in the world.

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