Monday, November 22, 2010

Oh simple thing, where have you gone?

Stevie Wonder once sang the line -

Lookin' back on when I was a little nappy-headed boy
and my only worry was for Christmas what would be my toy?

Sometimes I wish for those days again, while being a grown-up definitely has its perks, a lot of suck can come with it too. I had to make a somewhat illegal right turn today on my way into work (I wasn't in the turn lane, but there was no traffic coming) because three rounds of lights had come and gone and I still hadn't gotten a green one. At least I can say it was the worst thing that happened to me all day, which isn't bad. I wish I could say the same about my poor friend Pippy.

Went out on my first break and found him sitting in a secluded spot by where the carts are kept, he saw me, wrapped up his phone call, and I asked him what he was doing out there all alone. He said it was because the tables were all full and there was just too much cigarette smoke for his liking. I sat down beside him and without much ado, he went into a distressed rant about his sister. A little background: Pippy lives in a house with his older (half, same mother) brother, his Dad, and his niece. For some reason his sister decided that she needs to pile everyone into Pip's house for Thanksgiving so they can all have a 'nice family dinner', so Pip reluctantly said yes. Fast forward a day or two and he finds out that she's said some horrible things to one of his friends about his brother J. J is disabled and had knee surgery last summer, leaving him somewhat crippled; I know that he at least can't walk very fast for very long, especially not without a shopping cart or cane to lean on. So he lives with Pip, drives Pip's vehicle (takes him back and forth to Volde-Mart every day too), and eats Pip's food. They have a cute relationship and it's amazing how they can look so much alike and so different at the same time, I love watching them together. Anyways, sister says that if she had her way, J wouldn't be living with Pip and getting free room and board, in fact if she had her way, he'd literally be out on the street with nothing to eat. What in the hell crazy bitch? He's your brother too! So Pips told her that he doesn't want her at his house for the holiday after hearing all the horrible things she said about J, and she pretty much shot back at him saying that it's Dad's house anyways, and not his, and he can't stop her from coming over if she wants, and she WILL come Thursday. Oh, and as soon as their father is dead, she and he boyfriend are going to get EVERYTHING and they'll make sure that Pip and J get throw out of the house. He was arguing with her via text message while I was sitting there and she pretty much called him a piece of shit and told him if he tried anything Thursday that she'd call the police on him. This is the same dipshit who beat one of her husbands with a canned vegetable and then called the police and told them he was beating her. Sounds like he's gonna have one hell of a holiday.

I told him our door's always open if he still wants to change his mind, but that I didn't want to cause him anymore problems than he already had. Oh, and he also got into it with one of the other guys in his department. It surprised me because the person in question is typically a sweet old grandfatherly type. He got into an argument with Pippy over some speckled bananas that Pip wanted to put out for customers, but the guy wanted to write them off and throw them out, which he did. While signed into the scanning device under Pip's ID. The other guy got in trouble (manager saw the numbers and initially thought Pip did it, but he explained) although I'm still surprised older guy is acting like this to begin with. One rule here is that you never, never do anything on a device under someone else's number/ID.

It's not like he was taking out his frustration with any of this on me, but the more he talked, the more horrible I felt. He hates the holidays since his Mom died, his family sucks, and did I 'get along' with my family in a screwed up way like this, and doesn't family suck? And how he wishes he could move away from this place. I just wanted to reach out and hug on the poor guy. I know he's no saint, but he doesn't deserve to be treated like this, it's not right. And neither does his poor brother, for that matter. I was fairly down for the rest of the day, and I felt like crying. Hell, I still kind of feel like crying. It's strange, I've had friends before, I've been upset for them before, but I've never felt this bad. Either I've never had a friend who found themselves in such a shitty situation before, or I've never cared about a friend quite like this before. Other people have had much worse situations, and I can't bring myself to do much more than get a little depressed for humanity and go "Man, poor so and so. That really sucks, it's one thing after another with them." But today was the first time I really, honestly wanted to reach out and hold the person, and very nearly did. But I only ended up touching his back a little instead. And a small part of me, somewhere in the back of my mind, in the part of me that dreams, still believes in fantasy and getting lost in daydreams was whispering 'I'll go away with you. Where no one knows, and no one can treat you like this. We'll be happy there'. I know it's just my infatuation talking, but still, wouldn't it be nice if things were as simple as going to Narnia or diving into the Pensive? But then again, even those places had their problems, I'm reminded. Although a crazy part of the real me does wonder if he wouldn't be up for the two of us finding a place out in the country or maybe the beach. That's nuts and it'd probably come to no good, but it's nice to think about.

It's nice to know he at least feels comfortable enough with me to let stuff out like that. It's rare when I find a person I can truly be comfortable around, especially of the opposite gender. Why then, when I find the rare person like him that I can be this way with, does he have to be such a mess? He's like a train wreck that keeps on wrecking. It really does suck having feelings like this for someone that I ended up being friends with. It sucks not knowing if he feels the same way. It sucks that I'm scared to tell him because I'm afraid he'll stop being my friend. It probably would be for the better if I did lose him as a friend just to have the peace of mind that I'm not working for something I can never have, but . . . I don't want to lose him as a friend. I don't want to let go of him. I would have been disappointed enough if he didn't come over on Thursday, but I feel utterly awful about what he'll be doing instead. He's not going to be happy. His brother won't be happy. I really doubt if anyone in that house is going to be happy, all because one person is determined to have their way even if it means making everyone miserable. His miserable cunt of a sister can go play in traffic for all I care, her own kids refuse to live with her anymore. Frankly I'd be embarrassed to invite myself over to my brother's house, where my own daughter had moved to get away from me. I might see him again tomorrow, at work. If he says anything else about her, or (as I suspect) that he's worried about his brother being in the house with them, then I'll just tell him to bring J along, too. No one deserves to be treated like shit in their own house on a holiday. And buggering hell, the last thing he needs is to get arrested right now . . . I hate people.

On an up-note, D let me count some pills tonight, woohoo! I wonder if they'll want me to eventually train for technician? That'd be awesome.

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