Sunday, November 7, 2010

When all else fails, improvise!

Last minute plans can sometimes turn out to be the best. You know I had really, really wanted to do something with Pippin this weekend, but he just wasn't budging with hints, it would seem. And he worked both days anyways, so I can't blame him for not wanting to go out after spending all day at the zoo we call our workplace. But I figured hey, last day of the fair, and I hate staying indoors, so I'll take Dad. Seniors get in free on Saturday. He himmed and hawed and said he was just too tired to go. Then proceeded to go outside and work *rolls eyes* So I took my nephew, Chuck instead. Dad's always complaining we never do anything together anymore, but always does this when I suggest something, bah. Chuck went with a friend on Wednesday but wasn't opposed to a second trip but . . . ugh. For as much as this town is supposedly growing and developing, our county fair gets smaller and piddlier every year. There was pretty much nothing there and we might have stayed 40 minutes. Waste of ten bucks, that was. His friend called him and then he asked if I wanted to go see Megamind after all, and told friend (Smeagol) to double check the showtimes for us, and to bring his sister if she wanted to come, too. Fair was boring us to tears and there was an hour to kill before the movie started, so Chuck had the brilliant idea to go burn time at . . . Volde-Mart. Argh. Oh well. I always like to grab some candy cheap to sneak in anyways. My favorite person was sitting outside on his lunch break, too. But I'll get to that later.

I almost didn't go see the movie, since our little theater has six screens and recently equipped two of them with RealD, so stuff like Megamind is only offered in 3D format there now, meaning a higher ticket price. "Ah, screw it," I thought. "Not like I have anything particularly better to do today." I was gonna blow twenty bucks on a vanity plate anyways, which I decided not to because the vendor looked grumpy (I'm funny like that). I've never been to a 3D movie before and after you get used to it, it's not that bad. I don't really think it's necessary either, but not bad. And the movie itself was pretty great, I thought. I was pretty thrilled that someone finally decided to do a movie from the villains point of view; I usually always end up loving villains. Barbossa, Lucius Malfoy, Jafar, etc. They're pretty awesome. And if you'll allow me to be a petty fangirl nerd, Megamind was a pretty sexy guy, himself. Cute, too. I won't spoil anything, but I love where they took his characterization and storyline. Love. Apparently after the movie everyone was famished and freezing, and Smeagol wanted to to go Steak n' Shake. Ah, good old hellhole. My second job was at this very place, you see. But I'm not really opposed to going there since it's been ages since I was a slave to that place. We probably terrorized our fellow patrons; somehow our conversation turned to STDs/STIs, what parts of your body herpes affects, curing crabs, what male prisoners do to each other, and so on. Then when it came time to pay, Chuck pulls some bills out of his wallet for his portion and one of them looks like it's been used as toilet paper. Finally paid up (Sorry to the person who had to count that till. I wasn't keeping that bill in my pocket!) and headed outside, but wait! We can't leave yet. My truck has a lid on the bed and it was perfect for climbing onto and doing 'sexy' poses and taking each other's picture! We took a lot, including a video during which Smeagol made to grab Chuck from behind and pick him up and accidentally grabbed his crotch instead. Cue Smeagol running for his life as fast as he could back into the building. We were all generally being really loud and immature and somewhat obnoxious, and people were staring at us from inside the restaurant and . . . I really didn't care. I'm not all quiet and mousy anymore, and I've gotten a little loud, especially in the past year. I like being this way, and people like me, and I have friends now that I never had before in ways I never had before. I only wish it didn't take me so long to realize it was ok to be this way. I didn't plan on doing any of that stuff with these people, but I'm so glad I did. It would have just been so much easier to stay at home, moping around because my Dad's a stick in the mud and Pip didn't offer to come with me and I'm still too scared to just flat out ask him to go anywhere, even as friends. I very nearly did just that. Granted, Chuck and Smeagol and Smeagol's sister are a good deal younger than me, and his sister can be a bit of a prude, but we all still had fun. Much more that I would have had staying at home feeling sorry for myself. And age is just a number, anyways, I suppose.

Gush, gush, gush . . .

Wishin' and hopin', and thinkin' and prayin'
Planning, and dreamin' each night of his charms.
That won't get you into his arms

So if you're looking for love you can share
All you gotta do is hold him, and kiss him, and love him
And show him that you care

So sang Dusty Springfield in 1964. While I happen to disagree with the lines about 'wearing your hair just for him' and 'doing the things he likes to do', to some extent, I have to wonder if there are truth in the first ones. While Chuck meandered into the cesspool that is Wal-Mart yesterday, as I mentioned, Pip was outside waving at us. I nearly didn't recognize him as he'd left his hair fluffy and silly looking where he usually dresses it up a little, and he was also bundled tightly in a windbreaker featuring his favorite team colors and logo. I could almost hear the sugary goo dripping from me as I walked. I love this time of year when it gets cold and this is one of the reasons why. Fluffy cold people can be ridiculously adorable, and even moreso if it's someone I already like anyways. And sure enough, almost immediately he started shivering and complaining about the cold and how much he hates it. I told him to just go inside if it was bothering him that much.

"But I don't like it inside!"

Seriously? Oh my freakin' frakkin' gawd, he's ridiculous and I love it. I need to program myself to sit beside him on the damn bench instead of across from him, one of these days I'll grow a brain and learn. I've noticed if I'm outside first, he'll sit beside instead of across from. But really, Pips? You'll insist on sitting outside in the cold and freezing your country boy arse off? Fine by me, I love the cold! And I can't blame him much, I hate the indoor lounge too. It depresses me for some reason. But I honestly do think I'm gonna start touching him. You know, because he's cold and all, he'll need warming up. I'm constantly patting him on the back or grabbing hold of him and he's never pulled away yet, so hopefully the magic of touch can get my point across better than words have. It'll either get him to snuggle back or make him really uncomfortable and possibly drive us apart a little. I've gotten to the point where I really am starting to need to know what's going on here as it's driving me crazy not knowing. Isn't that selfish of me? After all I've said about him being gun-shy about relationships and women and wanting to be patient with him, I'm wanting to force myself on him physically just to see what will happen, and it makes me feel guilty. I guess the worst that could happen is he might tell me 'Gracie, you wanna cut that out? You'll start more rumors.' Then things will be all awkward for a while until we both get over it and we'll go on being work buddies and nothing more.

But what if all I really need to do is touch him and maybe hug on him a little bit? How much can you touch on a platonic friend before it starts to be too much? I mean, Hurley from the service desk walks up and punches me, taps me, pokes me, and bear hugs me all the time and I don't mind. And he's definitely just a friend. What if Pip is just as worried about scaring me as I am of scaring him? I've never been the aggressor in a relationship before. Which might be the reason I've never been in a proper one. I always waited and waited for the guy, and it never happened. I was always taught that the man pursues, but like I said, waiting hasn't really gotten me anywhere. Back in our remodel days when I'd literally just started talking with him, Pip would hold my hand and walk around yelling "We're in loooo-ooove!" and didn't seem to care who saw. We were walking down the hallway with our friend Neesy and someone asked what we'd been up to. "Threesome!" he answered. Of course he turned right to me and asked "That alright with you, Gracie?" I'd said sure! I hadn't even known him a week at that point.

So really . . . the odd pat on the back or hugging him if he's cold shouldn't be too out of line, should it? He has a lot of acquaintances and friends around town and it's certainly not unusual to see a customer every now and then recognize him and run up for a hug. He's not dating or sexually interested in all of them, I know he's not. WTF am I saying, I have lots of friends, including married men that I hug on a regular basis. The pastor of a local church hugs me every time he sees me. Why am I so afraid to hug Pippy? Buggerfuck, I'm just gonna start doing it, especially now as it's cold. If he wants to be childish and refuse to go in, he'll get coddled like the bratty little kid he is (And I mean that as a term of endearment, don't get me wrong. I hate it when women say men are just another child to take care of).

I suppose if I just wanted a physical, friends-with-benefits kind of relationship, I wouldn't be so bothered. But I'm coming more and more to the conclusion that I'd like more with this guy. Does that mean I wouldn't sex him up in a heartbeat? Gods no, I'd love to. But I'd also just like to have candid, sincere talks, someone to plan and laugh and cry with. To sit and hold someone for hours, never saying a word, but having the best conversation of my life. We're actually already pretty candid with each other, and sometimes we go for a while without saying anything before one of us seems to speak out of obligation and make things feel a little weird.

Maybe that's why I'm scared to touch him and potentially drive him away.

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