Thursday, March 24, 2011

Give yourself prudence and love your friends

. . . love my friends? I have quite a handful of friends now, and I love it. They're an odd bunch, but I think everyone probably says that about their friends, and their families too, for that matter. Yet sometimes, like yesterday and today, I have to tell myself "Good grief, is this really worth it?" I've gotten close with Dix since I went to the pharmacy, and for the most part she's a cool person and does fun stuff. However, she's often clinically depressed. Yesterday she texted me to tell me she was depressed. WTF. Friend, relative, or whatever, I hate it when people do this. I can't do anything about it because if you really are depressed or feeling like telling people that, then nothing anyone can say will make you feel better. She's already on medication for it, plus other ones for arthritis, I think fibromyalgia, (sp?) and a few other ailments. I'm not a judgmental person, but she's also very morbidly overweight and not shy about it. Her husband is out of work and her WoW account is locked up until payday; she can't even afford to buy anything on lunch breaks and won't let anyone else buy her anything, either. The WoW thing is a whole other rant of mine, but I don't think I'll go there right now. Fact is, yeah, I'd be depressed if I were her, too. Just today she fell in her kitchen and probably did some significant damage to her knees and elbows, and it won't be the first time she's fallen this year. Oi. I love her to death but I can't take this kind of self-pity, woe-is-me stuff, you know? I'm torn because I don't want to be mean but at the same time I know that being around people like this can be very draining.

There's another tech that we'll call Katie. Her sister is a cashier back there with us. Katie is pretty cool; I was afraid she was uppity when I first met her, but she's very friendly and easy-going and doesn't take out her stress on other people. She's been keeping me up to date via phone tonight on how her husband is doing; he gave her (and us, really) a scare earlier today when he called her and said he didn't know if he should go to work tonight or not because he was passing out. Then he called and confessed he couldn't remember falling down or where he fell, just that he did it. She made a hasty exit from work to ship him off to the ER. This I can deal with, stuff like this comes up and it's not like Katie or her husband have a habit of falling out and going to the emergency room, and I'm glad she feels I'm enough of a friend to keep me posted on how he's doing. Katie's also great, but then there's the fact that, like Dix, she has an 'other half' and that makes me feel like a third wheel. Or what have you, since we're usually out in a group and everyone has someone except me.

Then there's the ever-steady and slightly annoying presence of Pip. Maybe I love too much. Maybe I'm weak. But I just can't stay mad at many people for very long. Sure, it's pretty obvious now that he's not interested in me romantically and the no-show business of his is pretty damn rude, but if he's too stupid to realize what he did pissed me off, then he'll also be oblivious as to why I would suddenly become Ms. Ice Queen to him. I have a hard time being cold with people, I just can't do it! And then I thought about it . . . sure, he's flaky and unreliable, BUT! Ah, that fun little word. Even when he's down, he doesn't dump on me or drain me the way Dix does. Maybe he does have friends or family that he pours out his deepest, darkest misgivings and bouts of depression to, but that person isn't me. And I realized that's really kind of nice. I might always have a 'thing' for him, and I might not. Until then I guess he'll just be 'that' friend. Someone that I would have liked to have something with, but . . . well I'd rather just keep him around for what he is than throw him out altogether just because he doesn't want me to become his next ball and chain. Not that I intend on being that, but I'm afraid that's probably how he views relationships now, after so many sour ones. At least three or four, that I know of. Even on his worst days, he's managed to stay upbeat with me, with the same 'things'll get better/live and let live' attitude that I have. He's someone I can have a low-key, drama-free time with in a pinch and I like it that way. Maybe I'm destined to be one of those women who ends up getting along better with male friends because of the distinct lack of drama. He's easily the lowest maintenance of my motley crew, anyways. Maybe that's why he's my favorite. Also he doesn't cause me to tune out for nearly an hour at a time by getting into full-blown World of Warcraft discussions with people. That shit is like a foreign language to me, people. Seriously STFU and don't dare bitch to me about money problems when I know you fork out close to $100 a month on that crap.

Some might advise me to stay angry with him and be catty and bitchy, but I just don't want to. Is it really worth it? What good would it accomplish in the long run, really? Maybe I'm making a mistake by letting him back in and keeping him as a friend. But then again, it's just the way I am. Not everyone has a sheep tattooed to their leg, you know. The sheep on my leg, well, to put it simply, she's me! Quiet and loving and loyal and easily spooked. I'll always love, even when it's not the best thing for me.

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