Sunday, February 6, 2011

I need a change

It's been a sucky weekend, to be sure. I cleaned up a little yesterday because frankly I can't relax in a house or room that is sloppy and messy. I haven't properly seen the sun in over a week and it's chilly and muddy; I can hardly walk into the pasture to feed the horses without sinking ankle deep in mud and equine sewage. Horses. I'm so tired of horses I could scream. We don't ride them, they're ill-tempered, and now we can't even get a halter back onto the youngest one. There are days I wish I could just open the gates and pray they all run away and never come back, without caring what happens to them. My almost-three year old, I'm convinced, is determined to kill me as I can't go near him without having to dodge being bitten or kicked. We've made up our minds that we're going to try extremely hard to sell them by or shortly after spring. I'm just afraid no one will want them.

I'm not much of a football fan, but I was at least going to watch the Bowl tonight for the fun commercials. But we only have one TV that receives channels and Mom watched crime drama reruns for a straight fucking 8 hours and refused to change the channel because she 'hates football'. Then she found some depressing as fuck Richard Gere movie on the CW channel (*gag*) and has been glued to that since 8. I don't know what it's about but the whiny music and sound of characters constantly arguing is enough to make me want to check into a mental health center and I'm not even watching it. There was a break between the crime shows and this, however, where the TV was turned down to a volume not loud enough to understand what's going on, but just loud enough to be annoying, during which she proceeded to have a loud, repetitive, circular argument with my Dad about the horses. They must have had the same 'conversation' 9 or 10 times in the space of an hour, and that's not counting the fact that they had the SAME argument this morning about 3 or 4 times already.

I love my family, but I hate living here. Hate it. Mom almost literally doesn't do anything all day except feed the animals at morning and night. In between that she's in the chair watching TV and more TV. Dishes might get done every other day and the floors get vacuumed . . . when I vacuum them. I need a place of my own quite badly. I'm not sure how I'll handle living completely alone but it has to be better than this.

Tomorrow is going to be awful. It's nephew's damn GED class day so he 'needs' my truck. Let me mention he's been taking these classes for over a year and still isn't above a 7th or 8th grade level. Meaning I'll be stuck at work with no way to leave for lunch or even go sit by myself and I hate it. Dixie will be off for the next two days otherwise we usually go to lunch together. Pippy won't be at work either and this is how I found out. Sometimes I really hate Facebook.

' off from work super bowls on no work tom lol gonna have a great night got some one comeing to see me'

Well gee fucking whiz, I wonder what that last bit could possibly mean. FML and fuck him sideways with a rusty butterknife and his stupid friend too. Why? Why is it never me? It's never me. I'm stuck at home with my freaking MOTHER listening to a damn CW movie. I hate everything about my life right now and I just wish I could move away to a place on the beach where no one knows me and I can just be alone.

EDIT: Ok so it looks like he only had a bunch of people over and then hit the bottle after they all left. Still, I would have liked to have gone :-\

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