Scratch his back, and for those few moments until he's had his fill, is obligated to go somewhere, or is startled by the presence of another person, he is completely and totally MINE. When I scratch Walker's back, the faces he pulls are hilarious and adorable. The faces Pip pulled were cute too. The moaning,growling, and sighing however . . . dear God I could let my imagination go with them, if you take my meaning. I dunno, it was innocent enough, really, no matter where my filthy mind wants to file away the memory of those noises. Just a kind of funny, 'human' experience. Really though, you have to feel for a person who is standing there like Baloo the bear, desperately rubbing themselves all over the locker doors, even if you do laugh at them first. I also take and give hugs at will now, none of this holiday nonsense! I haven't talked to him much this week and he doesn't always answer texts, but his Dad was hospitalized over the weekend and I told him to let me know if he needs anything from me. And whether he realized it or not, I did mean anything. Not that I honestly expected him to ring me up and say to bring the massage oil and the whipped cream, but I hope he knows that if he ever needs a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on, mine are here.
I ponder to myself and my mind argues back and forth over the dumbest things. As I've said numerous times, my mind is a cesspool though my body has never taken a swim, so to speak. Most of the time I want stuff for the long term - to lay on his shoulder or kiss him all over or show up at his house armed with a six back of Bud Light and all the ingredients for a spaghetti dinner. The other day at lunch we were talking about cooking and he shared with me the fact that he can't make meatballs to save his life. I can make some epic ones, and how fun would it be to teach him? Then maybe in return he can teach me how not to ruin steak as I always do. And then there are times, much like tonight, when the mind enters the gutter with all the lust of Geoffrey Rush's Marquis De Sade and refuses to surface, and I contemplate all the things I'd like to do to and with Pip and wonder what he'd think if he knew my mind went to such places and took him with it. I'd try things and do things to and for him that a lot of women won't. Lick things and touch things and not lie there grudgingly and do my 'duty as a woman' as it seems many view such things as. I could see him into a lot of things, and I have to say it was a pleasant surprise when we somehow got onto the flavored lotion topic so many weeks ago, as he just didn't seem like the kind of guy to be into that stuff. He's . . . he's such a male, in that he can say silly things, gross things, and sometimes be a little crass or disgusting after a meal. Really, we leave a restaurant and the first thing he does is flip down the passenger side sun visor and start feverishly picking out his teeth. It's funny. He generally giggles and apologizes if he thinks he's somehow crossed a line with something he's said, but he is what he is and it's endearing. ("Did you hear about the guy who got fired for picking his nose and wiping it on merchandise?" "Has your tattoo scabbed up yet?")
And then he'll completely catch me off guard by talking about flavored body lotions, admitting kid's movies make him cry, or completely stopping mid-sentence to gush over a cute puppy he sees. He keeps going on about the summer . . . maybe things will be different then. He can go places other than Voldemart and his house, maybe I'll get an invite and we'll make the meatballs and drink the beer and watch a stupid movie. I'd also really love to to get that place on the beach and if he wants to come with me, well, that's just fine too. I'll get him that Mastiff puppy I know he wants so badly.
^ The hell? And here I thought the Marquis had stolen my mind for the evening, there I go again. I don't even know why I went on like this tonight, except that it is nice to put all this drivel down someplace just because I want to. Also I'm ridiculously thrilled that I got Dixie to email me the picture I took so I could show it to the world via Facebook. Like I said, fucking adorable, even if I do look a little stone for whatever reason.